Bats, Zoom and toilet rolls – not David Attenborough’s Christmas list but topics in our pandemic top 10

Oonagh Keating. Updated August 21st, 2020

Congratulations if you had “Man who caught coronavirus at the office insists offices are safe” on your Covid Madness bingo card.

You can read all about that here.

Before you do that, though, have a read of these funny takes on the pandemic.

1. A little bit of politics

BREAKING NEWS: Bat Who Gave The World Covid Will Speak At RNC

— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) August 18, 2020

2. There’s safe and then there’s safe

keep being told to stay safe at the end of Zoom calls? what if I don’t want to? what if I want to continue to remove toast from the toaster with a knife??? i’m an independent woman

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 20, 2020

3. He’s conkered his fears

Walked under a tree today and caught the coronavirus. Didn’t expect it to be this big tbh. pic.twitter.com/IpxofOV6no

— John Self (@john_self) August 20, 2020

4. Midge Ure will be devastated

me, seeing the news about new quarantine lists: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Vienna

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 20, 2020

5. I’ll take “Things Steve Bannon has never said” for 200

it's the little things I miss during this pandemic, like when the postman used to come and you'd wave him over and give him a little hug, sometimes for 20 seconds or more, neither of you uncomfortable just enjoying the contact

— joe (@mutablejoe) August 20, 2020

6. Subtlety isn’t always an option

The mask helps cover up a bad mood, but my middle finger gives me away.

— Felicia (@LostFelicia) August 20, 2020

7. Russia’s Putin this virus in its place

This is what the Russian vaccine looks like under a microscope pic.twitter.com/FiXbvnmJ0h

— gavin (@gavinmind) August 12, 2020

8. There are definite advantages to the mask mandate

Look, I’m just saying that even after the pandemic people with bad breath should have to keep wearing masks.

— Greg One Leg (@Greg_1_Leg) August 20, 2020

9. Time for a remake

Contagion would have been way better if they’d included a toilet roll shortage and loads of people doing the conga

— dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) August 20, 2020

10. “I’m the Prime Minister’s dad” works as well

I wonder if anyone has tried out the exemptions on that list to evade quarantine.

"Yes, I am a Lieutenant Colonel in the Belgian army here on official business."

— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) August 20, 2020

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