Rules, vaccines and tiers before bedtime – our 14 favourite coronavirus jokes
There’s finally a working vaccine out in the community – as long as the community has the capability to store the substance at 80 degrees below zero.
It’s not yet game over for the coronavirus, though, so people still have legitimate concerns:
Will the vaccine prevent transmission of the virus or just control symptoms?
Will Brexit create a problem with supply and demand?
Is a facemask that looks like Rudolph’s nose a suitable gift for a 16-year-old?
Stuff like that.
Here are some of our favourite tweets on the topic.
1.
I urgently need a 100% efficacy vaccine against Covidiots. They’re destroying my brain cells.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) December 1, 2020
2.
The UK watching the government roll out the vaccine pic.twitter.com/r6dzpDi4wx
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 2, 2020
3.
When they say tier 3 would be catastrophic for London it just makes you thankful that tier 3 isn’t that serious up here in Leeds, Wakefield and Manchester etc. Must get worse as it goes down the M1.
— Grant (@ghud68) December 9, 2020
4.
Your phone has a GPS.
Just in case you’re worried the tracking chip in your vaccine might not work. Facebook already knows when you’re falling out of love with your partner and can speed that process up if they like. So don’t panic they’ll stop Bill Gates controlling you.
— Bethany Black twitch.tv/beffernieblack (@BeffernieBlack) December 2, 2020
5.
It doesn’t matter that I have no idea how we are going to roll out the vaccine and keep it at the right temperature, as that sort of detail will be in the safe hands of Group 4, Serco or whoever we get to do it.#PMQs
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) December 2, 2020
6.
[Secret space station]
Bill Gates: What's Margaret up to now?
Evil scientist: She's drinking her 6th cup of tea & watching A Place in the Sun
Bill Gates: Mwhahahaha! Excellent— joe heenan (@joeheenan) December 8, 2020
7.
Can’t believe the government is ploughing ahead with this vaccine programme when @Dave12hhff7363 from Mansfield has clearly stated it’s an Illuminati conspiracy
— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) December 2, 2020
8.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me,
twelve drummers drumming,
eleven pipers piping,
ten lords a-leaping,
and, unintentionally, a visit from the COVID Enforcement officers
— Craig Beadle (@CraigJBeadle) December 2, 2020
9.
I'd love it if Bill Gates controlled me using a microchip. He couldn't do a worse job than I'm doing.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) December 8, 2020
10.
I can't wait til my Nanna is vaccinated and I can cough directly in to her mouth.
— Sooz "Christmas" Kempner (@SoozUK) December 8, 2020
11.
Public health message:
You are typing “vaccines are microchips so they can track us” into your smartphone full of microchips that actually are tracking you.
— Dr Dominic Pimenta (@DrDomPimenta) December 8, 2020
12.
I hope the vaccine is a guy blow darting from a hot air balloon
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) December 9, 2020
13.
GUYS. The vaccine is them trying to control us. My taxi driver just told me.
— Luke Kempner (@LukeKempner) December 9, 2020
14.
what if covid is caused by tiny monoliths appearing in the body
— Zoë Tomalin (@ZoeTomalin) December 7, 2020
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Tiers, masks and vaccines – 14 funny things people have said about the pandemic
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