25 fresh and funny coronavirus-free tweets to take your mind off the news

Poke Staff. Updated February 10th, 2021

Welcome to our Friday round-up of the funniest tweets we’ve seen over the past week, and not a single one about the coronavirus.

These are the 25 that made us laugh the most. Why not retweet your favourites.

To be fair she does looks like a chicken https://t.co/hhoF3yltEV

— Paul (@bingowings14) October 16, 2020

You: 40 years ago–
Me: ah, so 1960
You: No, 1980.
Me: no

— Olivia Hofer (@oghofer) October 17, 2020

For a people who decimated entire continents with Smallpox we're incredibly judgemental about grey squirrels.

— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) October 16, 2020

Artemisia Gentileschi exhibition at the National Gallery as good as everyone says. Think this one was called “Woman on Twitterdotcom” pic.twitter.com/YnELfPnI0A

— Janine Gibson (@janinegibson) October 18, 2020

[Auditioning for Cats]
Producer: Here's the script
Me: *pushes it off table*
Producer: You're hired

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) October 16, 2020

Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine

Me: Whoa like a dragon?

Obi-Wan: No I’ll be a ghost

Me: Can you still use a lightsaber?

Obi-Wan: No but I can give advice

Me: Oh like my nana

Obi-Wan: It’ll be spooky, you’ll see

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 22, 2020

This is how we British measure inflation pic.twitter.com/ZVNZsoNvX8

— Jamie (@Jay_90_) October 17, 2020

I know there’s more important things going on at the moment, but for the seriousness of the work they do, I feel that the Ghostbusters logo is far too whimsical

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) October 18, 2020

We’re investigating the disappearance of a large number of mice in this area. You match the description of someone who we’d like to talk to. pic.twitter.com/EeeWV8QTYI

— trouteyes (@trouteyes) October 18, 2020

10.

Most adults are just stupid children in large bodies.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) October 18, 2020

11.

Working on my next kid’s book pic.twitter.com/nQnFWtvWml

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 20, 2020

12.

Geography FACT: The world's second highest mountain is called Everer.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 20, 2020

13.

When bags is talking shite again pic.twitter.com/hqfklUWz0R

— Ben Cameron (@ben_cameron) October 17, 2020

14.

Haven’t got any mint sauce for the roast lamb dinner, so I’ve crushed up a packet of polos with some grass.

— Keri Warbis (@KeriWarbis) October 18, 2020

15.

Glasgow Ladybird pic.twitter.com/kfqo0CRXEv

— Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) October 18, 2020

16.

magician: i'm sorry for sawing your donkey in two

me: i don't accept your half ass apology

— Maybe Pile (@MaybePileJokes) October 12, 2020

17.

No lie, this morning's lie-in was killed at 8.30 by a shrieking spouse. 'HOW DO I UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS FUCKING THING?? THE FREE TRIAL ENDS TODAY!!'

The app is called Calm.

— Nick McGivney (@nmcgivney) October 17, 2020

18.

she really is one of the greatest performers of all time pic.twitter.com/bFh2PBkvhm

— gabe bergado (@gabebergado) October 16, 2020

19.

me, bleeding out from every limb:

hey! just wondering if you could call an ambulance? no worries if not!!! x x

— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) October 18, 2020

20.

The brain is the most outstanding organ in your body that works 24/7 right up until the moment the barista gives you your coffee and says ‘enjoy’ and you reply ‘you too’

— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) October 20, 2020

21.

Being a parent means sometimes asking tough questions like "Who the hell made toothpaste eyebrows on the dog?"

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 19, 2020

22.

It's simple – Masterchef is for salt, Bake-Off is for sugar. Never cross the streams.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) October 20, 2020

23.

Only just noticed Dwayne Johnson’s cameo in Parasite pic.twitter.com/mksXvVGkuB

— Parker (@panoparker) October 21, 2020

24.

boss: design a flag that represents surrender

me: on it

[hours later]

boss: what do u have

me: *shows blank canvas* i gave up

boss: amazing work

— wow, spooky shark (@bigsharkguy) October 21, 2020

25.

Twitter: Headlines don't tell the whole story.

Me: pic.twitter.com/QaWyqtqUjB

— Differently Dave (@GoldenVision90) October 21, 2020

Image @gabebergado