Tiers, schools and clapping – the 11 funniest things people are saying about the pandemic

Oonagh Keating. Updated October 22nd, 2020

If you’re struggling to work out what rules you now live under, don’t worry – the Prime Minister’s dad has forgotten them every time he does anything and nothing bad has happened to him, so you should be fine. Right? RIGHT?

Maybe not. That’s probably why there’s no “What Would Stanley Johnson Do?” merchandise.

While you wonder whether to design some and start a business, read what funny tweeters have been saying about the pandemic.

Wales going into lockdown but keeping the schools open is kinda like trying to fight a shark with a banana.

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 19, 2020

there is a secret level Tier 4 which is total lockdown everywhere apart from Wetherspoons in Barnard Castle

— dave ❄️ 🥕 🧻 (@davemacladd) October 12, 2020

When Nicola Sturgeon announces increased quarantine measures in the middle of yer haircut pic.twitter.com/UAscdEOaRA

— Rosa Zambonini (@ROSAZAMBONINI) October 17, 2020

Tier 4 – we all have to live with Michael Gove.

— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) October 19, 2020

Places you can’t catch Covid-19 in Greater Manchester:

• pubs
• restaurants
• shops
• gyms
• buses
• trains
• offices
• factories
• churches

Places you can catch Covid-19 in Greater Manchester:

• your Auntie Pat’s conservatory

— 🏳️‍🌈 Max 🏳️‍🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) July 30, 2020

have an affair or hide in a fridge https://t.co/WIwCQhnio9

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 19, 2020

At Tier 4 they bring back the Thursday clapping

— Katie Storey (@KEStorey) October 19, 2020

If Wales have a firebreak, hopefully Scotland will take wind or water break and NI the other. Then England for the first time in years might get a break from soiling itself.

— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) October 19, 2020

Cornish 3 tier alert system.

MEDIUM- 2 large pasties left, 3 mediums and 4 smalls.

HIGH- 1 large pasty left, 2 mediums and 2 smalls

VERY HIGH- 0 large pasties left, 0 mediums left, 1 small chicken pasty left and it’s cold.

— Edward Rowe (@Kernow_King) October 13, 2020

Another simple rule from the government. If you're in Tier 3 then pubs will close unless those pubs sell food then they can stay open but you can't socialise in them but you can go into them and once you find the amulet you can enter Tier 4 where gravity is switched off.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 12, 2020

10.

This is my first pandemic and I don’t think I’ll do another one. It’s not for me

— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) October 17, 2020

11.

I’ve always been resentful that I can’t have a pet dinosaur, but especially now during the pandemic when I could really use the emotional support.

— batkaren (@batkaren) October 19, 2020

Image Screengrab, Rosa Zambonini