12 of the funniest swipes at lockdown life we’ve seen today

Oonagh Keating. Updated May 26th, 2020

We didn’t have to go to Durham and back to find you something funny to read – we just stepped into Twitter and there it was.

Enjoy.

You may mock me for my new habit of writing 'STAY SAFE!' at the end of emails, but I like to think I've stopped at least one person from shoving a scorpion down their pants. "Wait, Chris said 'stay safe!' This doesn't feel like a very safe thing to do. Back in your box, Stingy!"

— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) May 20, 2020

I think next pandemic we should close the hospitals but keep comedy clubs open to find out which is the best medicine once and for all.

— Daniel Muggleton (@danmuggleton) May 23, 2020

I’m not saying my hair’s got bad in lockdown but I just looked in the mirror and thought about pitching Lovejoy: The Early Years.

— Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) May 23, 2020

I’m more concerned about the creepy little elbow licker pic.twitter.com/ED2uIAy6Ou

— Ian Ravenscroft (@Ravonski) May 23, 2020

Hey boy, are you Britain’s lockdown messaging because you’re confusing me and at the same time making it seem like it’s my fault.

— Nadia Kamil (@NadiaKamil) May 22, 2020

The real scandal is when the BBC didn’t sack their science correspondent who stood within 2 metres of the actual virus. pic.twitter.com/fYh5IyQjdM

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) May 23, 2020

So, apparently the reason only misspelt versions of Cummings can trend is that the porn filters block it. How USEFUL is THAT for a controversial public figure?

If I ever decide to stand for public office, it will be as Alex Titwank.

— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) May 25, 2020

Is it true that the theatres are going to reopen as long as every actor has a 4 year old child with them?

— Adrian Edmondson (@AdrianEdmondson) May 24, 2020

How has Corona – the beer – allowed this to happen to their brand? You think if they’d gone ‘We are calling this the Disney virus’, someone from head office woulda been like hang on

— Katherine Ryan (@Kathbum) May 25, 2020

10.

Strange lockdown paradox: the longer it goes on, the less you actually text and zoom your friends. Mainly because: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY.

— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) May 22, 2020

11.

"I'm gonna sing Cher Lloyd by Cher Lloyd" pic.twitter.com/binBJlNzXh

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 25, 2020

12.

My reality show is called Watch Me Walk Around My House For 18 Hours.

— RickWu (@wumother) May 26, 2020

Image Mr Michael Spicer