Simply 27 ‘dad jokes’ to make your day better
15.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) March 7, 2018
16.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) March 7, 2018
17.
I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) November 28, 2017
18.
It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) October 28, 2016
19.
I went to the doctors. He said, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
I said, 'Why?' He said, 'I don't like my neighbours'— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) September 6, 2016
20.
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus, isn't it?
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 16, 2016
21.
I wondered why the football was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) April 18, 2016
22.
When I was in the army, once the sergeant said to me: “What does surrender mean?” I said: “I give up.”
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 17, 2015
23.
I was so drunk, I took the bus home. Never driven a bus before.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 15, 2015
24.
I told my psychiatrist that I might be a kleptomaniac. He gave me tablets and said, "if you're no better in a week bring me a colour TV".
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 11, 2015
25.
My nephew was caught stealing a calendar. He got 12 months.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 28, 2015
26.
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 23, 2014
27.
A policeman knocked on my door last week and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) May 10, 2018
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Source @TheTommyCooper
