Women share how they shut down men’s inappropriate comments they said were ‘just a joke!’

It started when author Heather Thompson Day remembered how she once shut down a boss’s ‘phone sex operator’ joke.

When I was 19 my boss said I should be a phone sex operator & laughed.

I said “I don’t get it”

He said “it’s a joke”

I said “explain it to me”

& that’s how I learned that once sexual harrassers have to explain why their inappropriate jokes are funny, they stop laughing.

— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019

She said he was her boss at a radio station and he was ‘probably 45. I was 19’.

My dad just told me “never laugh. They will mistake your nervous laughter as compliance. Instead, pretend you don’t get it, and watch them explain to you why you should be laughing.” I’ve used this advice my whole life since.

— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019

And it prompted women to share their stories of when they called out men’s sexist or racist behaviour. Either by doing exactly what she did, or just by filling the room with an uncomfortable, suffocating silence.

I had the same happen to me except it was a SUPER racist joke, old guy at work told it to me and says "That's funny innit it?" I said "No, that was extremely racist" he stopped laughing and just looked a little lost. I guess no one had ever called him out on it before. 🤷🏻‍♀️

— Impossible Souffle (@kymi_lian) November 9, 2019

Recently, a male customer made a sex joke while I was ringing his test booster at the register but, I didn't comment at all about it. There was silence and he mumbled 'It was a joke; I was trying to make you flustered or something,' as to try to 'fix' the situation.

— ✨Sky the Daily Dreamer✨ (@Skylightwings) November 8, 2019

And, pokerfaced, I told him back,' I am aware. You're not the first to make the joke nor the last. Cash or Card?'

I made a grown, veteran, 60 something year old man walk the walk of shame that day.

I didn't mean to but, after being hit by old men constantly, it gets tiring.

— ✨Sky the Daily Dreamer✨ (@Skylightwings) November 8, 2019

I also love frustrating people when they call something "gay," "Oh! That's homosexual??"
"😬That's not what I mean!"

Doesn't really teach them anything, but annoys the crap out of them so they say it less around me.

— Renaissance_Vixen (@RenaissanceVixn) November 8, 2019

My first internship was in a very professional company. We learned direct questions quickly stop inappropriate workplace comments. Direct eye contact:
1) I don't understand — explain it to me.
2) Help me to understand — repeat it.
3) Can you provide an example?
It works.

— LiteFanFun (@LiteFanFun) November 9, 2019

I did the same thing to a guy who harassed me on a train. He said some rather disgusting things and I looked him dead in the eyes and said "tell me how you think that's an appropriate thing to say. Explain it to me" he was not happy and got real quiet so I could leave.

— Chess Pearson ♿️ (@Captain_Ogilvy) November 8, 2019

Out with family when I was 13 and getting ice cream a friend of my uncle says “You can tell a lot about a girl by how she eats ice cream.” I, genuinely not knowing what he was talking about, said “Like what?”
He didn’t expect to be questioned. I kept pressing. He never answered.

— Naomi Savolainen (@mimiomiomi) November 8, 2019

Pro tip: this also works on race "jokes"

— Corey (@HowlFromtheCore) November 8, 2019

Yesterday my coworker, who is 50 and married w kids, knows I’m Jewish, said “I dated a crazy Jewish girl in college” And laughed. I replied “why does that make her crazy” and suddenly he couldn’t speak anymore

— max✡️ Ⓥ (@dolphingirl1206) November 8, 2019

I do this with kids and teens at camp!! Whenever I overhear them going 'haha that's gay' or whatever I always just interrupt and ask why that's funny. They try and brush it off but I say no, I really want to get the joke, and I insist they explain.

— Rhi 🎉 (@qwertyuiorhi) November 8, 2019

Once they've been forced to THINK about what they're saying, they never do it again. It works for a lot of groups– peers, creepy bosses, kids. Nothing like cheerfully asking why something's funny and not giving up till you get an answer!

— Rhi 🎉 (@qwertyuiorhi) November 8, 2019

Grim (but not surprising, obviously) that this stuff still happens. But the perfect way to call it out.

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People love the takedown of sexist men in the index of this obstetrics textbook

Source @HeatherTDay H/T Someecards Image YouTube screengrab