You don’t need to be a Dad to enjoy our latest bumper crop of 32 wonderful ‘Dad Jokes’
On Twitter, The Dad Joke Man does a marvellous job of sharing the best succinct jokes to his followers.
We’ve seen some of these before, but there are plenty which are new to us and they are all guaranteed to provoke a smile. Or, at the very least, a groan.
So, without further ado…
1.
My friend Iain has one eye bigger than the other…
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 21, 2023
2.
An anteater walks into a pub, the landlord asks, “Can I get you a drink?"
"Noooooooooooooo!”
"How about something to eat?"
"Noooooooooooooo!”
The landlord asks, “What's with the long ‘no's’!”
“I was born with it!"#Tuesdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 21, 2023
3.
My friend lost his ear in an accident and had to have a pigs ear transplanted on.
I asked him if it was working ok…
He said “It’s fine apart from a bit of crackling…”#SaturdayMorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 18, 2023
4.
A coachload of jazz musicians has just overturned on the M25…
Expect lengthy jams.#Thursdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 16, 2023
5.
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 15, 2023
6.
BREAKING NEWS!
Police have discovered the body of a man inside a crate of chickpeas…They are treating it as hummuside.#TuesdayMorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 14, 2023
7.
I got arrested for stealing a complete set of encyclopedias…
I said to the police “Hang on, I can explain everything…”#thursdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) March 9, 2023
8.
I've just got a job making plastic Draculas.
There are only two of us on the production line…
So I have to make every second Count.#WednesdayMorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 22, 2023
9.
Picture of The Beatles before they got really big. pic.twitter.com/aHv0cQyfQ9
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 18, 2023
10.
Just been diagnosed with the dreaded ‘Peek-a-Boo virus’…
I’m being transferred to ICU.#fridaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 17, 2023
11.
I got the sack from my job in the pasta factory.
All I did was make a fusilli mistakes…#thursdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 16, 2023
12.
I advertised a python for sale in the paper, a man rang up and said “What size is it?”
I replied “It’s quite big”
“How many feet?” he asked,
“None, it’s a snake…”#Wednesdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 15, 2023
13.
To start a zoo, you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.
That’s the bear minimum.#ukpunday
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 13, 2023
14.
BREAKING NEWS!
Explorers have discovered what is thought to be the world’s largest bedsheet.More on this story as it unfolds…
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 11, 2023
15.
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain.
This is due to all the indoor fins…
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 9, 2023
16.
I’ve just successfully bred a cross between a crocodile and a homing pigeon.
I bet that’ll come back to bite me…#Wednesdaymorning
— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) February 8, 2023
