25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to our weekly round-up of the best and funniest new tweets we’ve seen. They’re rarely topical but always fresh and – we like to think – very funny.
We hope you enjoy them.
1.
Every single supermarket should be forced, by law, to have a huge sign at the entrance telling you where the eggs are.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) January 16, 2023
2.
clothes retailers offering 20% off in the sales… girl that's just how much this cost last year 😭
— Louis Staples (@LouisStaples) January 16, 2023
3.
If I was a hairdresser, I’d hold up a chopping board instead of a mirror just to see how many people still go ‘yeah that’s great’.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) January 20, 2023
4.
Being a chef for Tesco must be the easiest job in the world. pic.twitter.com/u3FBs8IBSV
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) January 18, 2023
5.
I was 16 when I first saw a dream-catcher, but back then everyone called them school careers advisors
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 🇺🇦 (@craiguito) January 19, 2023
6.
doing changing
my my
tax sheets
🤝
"Phew that's that done for another year"— Sooz Kempner🐀 (@SoozUK) January 16, 2023
7.
For years I've been buying cappuccino pods for my coffee machine. Only today have I realised that the brown pods are coffee and the white pods are milk. I always wondered why they tasted different but it turns out I've been drinking warm milk and black coffee.
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) January 18, 2023
8.
Don’t know if you do Self-Care days too, but today I put out the bins and had my ears dewaxed.
— rufus jones (@rufusjones1) January 19, 2023
9.
My (27F) boyfriend (28M) won’t stop saying he’s “microdosing pants” whenever he wears shorts
— toasty digital (@toastydigital) January 14, 2023
10.
My mum: I’ve no interest in being famous anymore
Also my mum: pic.twitter.com/785mQwGb01
— Roman Kemp (@romankemp) January 14, 2023
11.
I lived next to the same guy for 3 years. Thought his name was Steve. Called him Steve. His name is Steve in my phone. I’ve been to his place. We’ve had dinner
His name is Brian. His dog is Steve
— Jenny 🇺🇸 🇺🇦 🌈🌊 🫶🏼💙 (@JenJJams) January 18, 2023
12.
The first rule of 'Hangman Club' is;
_ o u / _ o / n o _ / _ a _ _ / a _ o u _ / _ a n _ _ a n / _ _ u _— Alf (@whoelsebutalf) January 19, 2023
