25 funny tweets of the week
We’ve been trawling Twitter for funny stuff on your behalf, so you can just sit down, grab five minutes to yourself and let the humour lift your day.
As always, give your favourites a retweet or follow – and if you don’t like any of them, keep it to yourself.
1.
If I had laser hair I would never get that shit removed.
— Bone Chocolates (@BoneChocolates) September 11, 2022
2.
angel: whatcha making?
god: *sharpening a dolphin* shark
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) September 7, 2022
3.
If Lionel Ritchie ever became bankrupt do you reckon he’d change his name to Lionel Poorie?
— Rosie Jones (@josierones) September 12, 2022
4.
If you need your cat charging, get down to Morrisons. pic.twitter.com/5IM7uhmhrQ
— Nigel Stewart (@MeNigeStew) September 10, 2022
5.
Today would’ve been Agatha Christie’s 132nd birthday … if it had not been for the actions of one of the people in this room.
— Noah Smith (@smithnoah) September 15, 2022
6.
My favourite childhood memory is not paying bills
— Ayo 💸💸💸 (@Code_Rred) September 12, 2022
7.
Nothing is scarier to someone above the age of 30 and having a relaxing drink than watching a DJ start setting up.
— Jared Freid (@jtrain56) September 10, 2022
8.
I thought my Monday couldn't get any worse but then Linda from HR said I can't *make* people in the office call me Stingray.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) September 12, 2022
9.
Fun art activity – if you draw glasses on Masaccio’s Virgin and Child it’s Michael Caine holding a tiny Chris Evans being serenaded by the Proclaimers. pic.twitter.com/hp2qBqwQAM
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 11, 2022
10.
asking your bf to take your pic vs asking your gf to take your pic pic.twitter.com/OXs0cRjfgP
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) September 14, 2022
11.
Me: what's their email?
Coworker: it's 'a' as in apple, 'x' as in escalator…
Me:
Coworker: you know, like the moving stairs?
Me: ah yes, how embarrassing for me— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) September 14, 2022
12.
"The worst script is the one never written" he said to himself as he wrote the second worst script.
— David Wales (@DavidWalesNM) September 13, 2022
