Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
We’ve taken a deep dive through Twitter to find the funniest tweets from the past week, all ready for you to enjoy. If you like them, you don’t need to put a ring on them – but a retweet or a follow would be good.
1.
— binp (@the_binp) April 30, 2022
2.
Amazon: We're going to be carbon neutral by 2025.
Also Amazon: Here's the phone case you ordered. Packed in a refrigerator box.
— ™ ️ (@Shinikage221) May 2, 2022
3.
I stopped telling people the truth about what I do on the weekends because they aren't impressed as I am that I managed to back out of all plans and sit on my couch the whole time
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) May 2, 2022
4.
Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!
*wildlife shows up*
Home buyer: Not like that.
— Christina, mother of spiders ✊ (@Aikiwomannc) May 2, 2022
5.
Whenever I see a couple sitting on the same side of a restaurant booth I like to imagine they’re on a double date with ghosts
— Coach Rusty (@rusty_coach) May 2, 2022
6.
You would think after millions of years of evolution we could avoid biting our own tongues, but, no.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 1, 2022
7.
Ah yes. Elon Musk. The Scrappy-Doo of billionaires
— Lord Hugh Mungus (@PoodleSnarf) May 2, 2022
8.
This weekend, my wife & I reached our goal of losing 70 pounds together. But we gained it back when we picked up the kids from my parents.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 1, 2022
9.
the key to success in a modern-day business is diversification pic.twitter.com/QpBhMPkXO4
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) May 2, 2022
10.
Are you even in Britain if nobody says “yOu caN Do miNE NeXT, iF yoU WAnT🤪” when you’re washing a car in a driveway?
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) May 4, 2022
11.
The trick to having people over to your house is to shovel everything on the countertops into a plastic bin and shove it into a bedroom closet.
— Adam (@YSylon) May 1, 2022
12.
“No Mr Bond, I expect YOU to die.” pic.twitter.com/lrDLiz40J2
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) May 2, 2022
