Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
We read all of Twitter – every last post* – to make sure you had the finest collecton of funny tweets to enjoy. These 25 made the cut, and when you read them you’ll see why.
*May not actually be true
1.
The Moon: *exists*
People: It's your fault I stole a police horse and rode it naked through the Montgomery Ward that one time— Vęlõčīrôōśtér díãçrîtïphįlėñšīś (@Theropologist) August 1, 2021
2.
You know if Harry Potter was real those kids would just spend all their time in their rooms playing HexBox.
— Jamie (@PyJamieParty) August 1, 2021
3.
Yesterday the vet asked if our cat was sleeping too much and I wondered if they knew she was, in fact, a cat.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) July 31, 2021
4.
After the 40th Dalmatian, the rest were named after sex positions and nobody ever found out
— Geeky Steven (@geekysteven) August 1, 2021
5.
my dad ordered a sandwich and then a raccoon opened the bag on the porch and ate it so he ordered another sandwich but the restaurant assumed it was a mistake and didn’t make it so he got charged twice for a sandwich that he watched a raccoon eat
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) August 1, 2021
6.
One of the guys quit… pic.twitter.com/LCMNdRjMh7
— 📚Talk To The Hatter🎩 (@Talk_To_The_Hat) July 31, 2021
7.
Dating is so easy. You just ask someone out and they say no
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) August 1, 2021
8.
— Matthew Elliot (@matttbastard) August 2, 2021
9.
"men don't gossip" ok explain the transfer window
— Amelia Dimoldenberg (@ameliadimz) August 1, 2021
10.
STAR TREK FANS: “Star Trek is more sophisticated than Star Wars, it’s real science fiction and intelligent storytelling that shows truths about the human condition.”
STAR TREK: “Let’s have Kirk and Abraham Lincoln fight Genghis Khan and a Vulcan for a monster on a rock toilet.”
— Gail Simone (@GailSimone) July 31, 2021
11.
I hate the word Fiancée. Why do i have to speak french just because youre getting married
— cam (@harleybaghdad) July 31, 2021
12.
This is what sand looks like under a microscope pic.twitter.com/sxcwX1PElh
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) August 2, 2021
