Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
*Unfurls flag*, *sounds fanfare* IT’S THE WEEKEND – more or less, and depending on when you read this, and it’s time to reveal our favourite tweets from the past week.
We hope you enjoy them as much as we have.
My coworker just called Starbucks ‘STARBS’
And I don’t wanna over react but I planted heroin in her bag and called the cops
— Aroc (@cokeandcarbs) June 9, 2021
3 Pack of Waistcoats
ADD TO BASKET pic.twitter.com/G1RWGY3R74
— trouteyes (@trouteyes) June 5, 2021
deleting my dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he sells me onions, i sell him jars of spiced peaches)
— trash jones (@jzux) June 8, 2021
Well thank goodness we tested out our new inflatable gimmick tank without it turning into a gigantic, embarrassing metaphor. pic.twitter.com/XY8Tzc5vkK
— Dan Snow (@thehistoryguy) June 8, 2021
🎶 She’s been living in her upland hoose 🎶 pic.twitter.com/FCyOJW9Hn9
— William Stone (@itswilliamstone) June 9, 2021
While Noel Gallagher famously visited Tony Blair, Gordon Brown invited Spinal Tap to Downing Street, and they turned up to No.11.
— Jason (@NickMotown) June 10, 2021
Me: ‘Anyway, I think the songs here are just kinda made up and pretty terrible.’
Priest: ‘This isn’t how confession works.’
— Pinky’s Brain (@mack44_d) June 8, 2021
Instagram Girl, just relaxing in her sweats: Perfect ponytail, full makeup, hydrating after an intense yoga session.
Me, just relaxing in my sweats: Sweating pretty hard, because I dropped a chocolate chip down my sports bra and I'm trying to fish it out before it melts.
— Ricki niña fantasma Tarr (@ShootyDoody) June 7, 2021
Couples therapist: what scares you the most?
Wife: that we slowly lose respect for each other
Me: when the washing machine goes really fast
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 8, 2021
WIFE: *reading headline* Bird flu in China
ME: *not looking up from my phone* Birds fly in every country, Sharon.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) June 8, 2021
— Amy has too many Black Widow feelings (@spooloflies) June 9, 2021
me: I told our son it's ok to cry if you drop your ice cream
wife: what did he say?
me: he kept laughing at me
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) June 9, 2021
More from the Poke
This brutal Kate Beckinsale comeback just went viral all over again
This guy’s clever takedown of scammers is funny and supremely satisfying