Simply 25 great tweets from the past week
Here we are again, face to face with the weekend and in need of a breather. Pull up a chair, grab a drink and enjoy these 25 great tweets – all hot from the minds of their clever creators.
If you like them, there’s no need to put a ring on them – a RT and a follow will do.
I love how girls with sisters are like ‘when we were little we made up this song and dance’ and it’s completely adorable, and girls with brothers are like ‘one time my brother threw his own shit at me’
— Sarah Kendall (@Sarah_Kendall) April 18, 2021
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) April 19, 2021
the crucial 4th ice cream bowl was lost at some point, forever altering the vibe pic.twitter.com/mVyNtf4kvr
— Ollie (@whalefern) April 18, 2021
Person making joke: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Twitter: HOW DARE YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT CHICKENS WHAT ABOUT BATTERY FARMING DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT
— Chris Addison💙 (@mrchrisaddison) April 22, 2021
“hello? can someone buzz me in pls” pic.twitter.com/7Qp1stBqK2
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) April 22, 2021
Not everyone was Kung foo fighting
I was just trying to get out of my sports bra
— Anna Nonymous (@osoplain) April 18, 2021
The goal of a woman’s life is *not* to be a wife and mother. It’s to dramatically gatecrash a christening party swathed in a raven-black cloak and cackle, “I TOO HAVE A GIFT FOR THE PRINCESS!”
— Icona 📚 (@Iconawrites) April 18, 2021
[Son #1 helps me clean the kitchen]
Me: Stop dancing and let's get this done.
S1: What's wrong with dancing?
Me: You don't see me dancing, do you?
S1: Alexa, play "Livin' On A Prayer."
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 19, 2021
whenever i introduce myself to someone, i reassure them several times that i am not a murderer so they don’t worry
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 19, 2021
— charlie kirk’s black nephew (@farnerbocken) April 17, 2021
Football is dead. I tried kicking a football earlier and a Qatari businessman sued me for copyright infringement.
— Dave Keenan (@PunLovinLad) April 20, 2021
My son just said to me ‘Daddy, I think it’s really good that the bad men didn’t ruin football’
He’s 26, it’s embarrassing
— Crate Digger (@FPLCrateDigger) April 20, 2021
More from the Poke
This puntastic ‘wall of shame’ tale of petty revenge went viral because it’s funny and so well done
Sky’s Martin Tyler on who does the ironing is 17 seconds of pure Partridge