It’s a year since the first lockdown began and these 42 tweets helped us through it
In March 2020, the gravity of the coronavirus pandemic had dawned on the UK government enough for it to issue strong advice against leaving the house for anything other than essential trips.
Advice was never going to be strong enough.
Pandemic, Day 5
Spain: Partial lockdown
France: Orders people to stay home for 15 days. Suspends gas, electricity bills and rents throughout crisis
Germany: Closes borders
UK: Just realised their plan will lead to 250,000 deaths, suggests everybody stay away from Les Mis.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 16, 2020
Those following the instruction immediately saw the pitfalls.
Oh no! Now Jehovah's Witnesses will know we're in
— Chris PG 🌈 twitch.tv/ThatChrisPG (@ThatChrisPG) March 15, 2020
While I understand this is a troubling time for everyone, at least you’re not one cough away from 14 days locked inside with Boris Johnson…
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) March 17, 2020
Apparently we have a family video call set for Sunday at 2pm where we are all going to play Pictionary. For the love of God, find a vaccine.
— Toby Foster (@tobyfoster) March 21, 2020
On the 23rd, however, the advice became an order – and lockdown began.
It brought with it working from home, sometimes combined with homeschooling.
People found it difficult to book supermarket deliveries, and when they braved socially distanced queues at the shops, the toilet-roll and pasta locusts had usually cleared all the shelves.
A teardrop tattoo means you killed someone in prison. A toilet paper tattoo means you killed someone in a Costco.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) March 21, 2020
The government allowed one outdoor exercise session per day – and that definitely did not include sitting on a park bench to catch your breath.
Didn’t we see you out jogging this morning as well, sir? pic.twitter.com/xATFNytUvT
— Paul (@bingowings14) March 24, 2020
Sourdough bread became a national obsession
Petition to rename sourdough bread 'le paindemic'
— Karl Sharro (@KarlreMarks) April 11, 2020
These tweets from that first lockdown aren’t just funny – they’re part of the historical record.
Trying to explain fractions to my youngest son. Doing my best not to explain it in terms of how much less I love him with every passing moment.
— Ed Byrne (@MrEdByrne) March 23, 2020
— Hal Cruttenden (@Halcruttenden) March 23, 2020
Other logical reasons to stay inside:
1. Less chance of being attacked by wasps
2. Your chance of getting hit by a train significantly decreases if you stay inside
3. Less money spent on shoes
4. You can not wear trousers and not get asked to leave the premises
— Dave (@davechannel) March 23, 2020
Our Easter holiday to Centreparcs has been cancelled so we're recreating it at home by having the kids ride their bikes in the garden while I burn £20 notes
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 24, 2020
I know they’re calling in all former NHS staff but that is ridiculous. pic.twitter.com/39Y79xTiy0
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) March 23, 2020
Can't recommend highly enough the economy rate of my 11 year old Ford Focus . Currently doing at least 3 weeks to the gallon.
— mike selvey (@selvecricket) June 10, 2020
All that time 80s kids spent on Pac-Man was training for the challenge of moving round supermarket aisles while avoiding other people by two metres.
— Mark Watson, doing all sorts of stuff (@watsoncomedian) March 24, 2020
Government: Work from home
— Dr David Hamilton (@davidghamilton1) March 23, 2020
I don't want to boast, but I've just dropped below 27k in the Ocado virtual queue.
— Lol 🇪🇺 💙 (@LolInKent) March 24, 2020
— Josh (@joshpburton) March 23, 2020
*me in 10 years*
cashier: sir your bill is $20.20
— Maruf (@m3aruf) March 24, 2020
with everyone on lockdown, the lime scooters are finally returning to the river. nature is healing, we are the virus. pic.twitter.com/I0IbCfiMnj
— ronnie (@taladorei) March 26, 2020
the police now have the power to break up groups, hope they fucking start with The 1975
— morgan (@m0rganlyynch) March 25, 2020
I’m at that point of isolation which swings perfectly between:
-We are all in this together, kindness to all humans ❤️
-I can’t believe how insanely annoying every single human on this planet is
— Nicola Coughlan (@nicolacoughlan) March 31, 2020
Quarantine day 10.
Lynns just shouted down to me, “Michael, have you got a stabbing pain in your chest as if someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re sticking pins in it”? I said “No”? …….
She said “How about now”?
— Michael Starke (@MichaelStarke57) March 31, 2020
I guess I’ll never be able to lie to myself again about all the shit I would do if I just had the time.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) March 30, 2020
Do YOU need to text about the COVID-19 lockdown? pic.twitter.com/xmlmvg9WQa
— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) March 31, 2020
The bar for keeping me entertained has never been lower. A car drove by my window & I was like “Well, well, well, what do we have here?!”
— Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) March 30, 2020
Well this is enlightening. Turns out I’m expending more energy running from room to room to get away from my family than I did when I was able to roam abroad freely. pic.twitter.com/HuGSQ3kPGy
— Lucy Porter (@lucyportercomic) March 31, 2020
What I think I’ll look like after the lockdown vs. What I’ll actually look like after the lockdown. pic.twitter.com/PQOPfsgOdZ
— MostDeaf (@SnoozeActive) April 1, 2020
who remembers shoes? on our feet, we'd put them. get some purchase on the old roads we used to walk, in the outside time, gloves for your feet they were like hard socks
— joe (@mutablejoe) March 30, 2020
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