Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
The weekend is here, which is great news if you aren’t an emergency worker, in retail, freelance, unemployed or just someone who hates days that begin with an S.
On the positive side, we’ve dug out 25 brilliant jokes from the last seven days for you to enjoy.
If you like them, go and give the tweeters a follow.
1.
someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 13, 2021
2.
"So how much to hit a panda with a fold up chair?"
Charity Worker: "For the last time sir, we're not that WWF"
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) March 15, 2021
3.
repent and believe in the proper use of apostrophes pic.twitter.com/4xWdqqDMvP
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 14, 2021
4.
When you turn up at the fancy dress party & everyone has come as a Pringle. pic.twitter.com/4F6UJ6R4CY
— Paul (@bingowings14) March 15, 2021
5.
When I say “last year,” I’m talking about 2019.
— Jamila Robinson (@JamilaRobinson) March 14, 2021
6.
If it turns out Lolz Fox is actually making some kind of insanely brilliant Borat-style satire I’m going to be fucking livid.
— Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) March 15, 2021
7.
I forgot the word charger so I just said phone bring back to lifer
— Claire Behind The Hair Blue Tick (@urmumsausername) March 15, 2021
8.
WHAT I SAY: that’s one way of looking at it
WHAT I MEAN: in the history of stupid things said by stupid people, what just came out of your mouth is, by far, the stupidest. If there were stupidity trophies, yours would be gold plated and set atop a plinth reading STUPID.
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) March 15, 2021
9.
If anyone’s interested in torturing their enemies until they beg for the sweet release of death, I’d highly recommend my niece’s middle school production of The Little Mermaid.
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) March 15, 2021
10.
I always wanted to be an anesthesiologist but I gave up that dream because I couldn’t figure out how to spell it.
— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) March 15, 2021
11.
Me *has read one book all year*
Me *going on a trip for a week* better download 15 books
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 15, 2021
12.
"And you couldn't fit in the phrase blowing his own trumpet anywhere? This is why journalism is dying Kevin" pic.twitter.com/iUeYYCH7xs
— Mike Oscar (space) Oscar Mike Alpha Romeo (@mokultra) March 10, 2021
