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Downing Street news has turned into a soap opera – here’s the catch-up

Previously on Downing Street Days:

PM Boris Johnson continued his quest to hire so many aides that he’d finally have the time to follow his real calling – painting buses onto empty wine crates.

He took on Allegra Stratton – former Spectator colleague of Mary Wakefield, the wife of untouchable SpAd, Vote Leave’s Dominic Cummings – as his official spokesperson.

Johnson then decided to promote Downing Street Comms Director, Vote Leave’s Lee Cain – who once followed David Cameron around while dressed as a chicken – to Chief-of-Staff, due to the excellent job he’d done in Communications.

via Gfycat

Enter stage left – Allegra Stratton, insisting she would be answerable only to the PM, or refuse the position.

Enter stage right – *checks notes* – Carrie Symonds – current fiancée of Boris Johnson and mother of his (presumably) youngest child, with an unspecified objection to Cain’s appointment.

Back to Dominic Cummings.

Remember him? Barnard Castle? Eye test? 200+ mile trip with a four-year-old without needing to make a toilet stop? That Dominic Cummings!

He wasn’t happy at the treatment of his buddy, Cain.

Before ‘Cummings Vs Symonds and Stratton‘ had even had a chance to go up on a pay-per-view channel, Cain stepped down, leaving the open goal of ‘CAIN NOT ABLE’ headlines up for grabs.

Is it real? Was it a dead cat chucked onto a table to distract from terrible coronavirus death stats?

It’s anybody’s guess.