Your weekly coronavirus-free funny tweet zone – our 25 favourites
Looking for advice re bootlace theft prevention – my DMs are open.
— David Quantick (@quantick) October 13, 2020
This is where you end up if you select Vincent Price's voice on your GPS. pic.twitter.com/dTuTVjwMiC
— Father Drinks McGee (@drinksmcgee) October 9, 2020
Me, forgetting the words to Love Shack https://t.co/vgWtpnmk6h
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 15, 2020
[Freddy Krueger comes to kill me in my nightmare]
Me: OMG I can't believe I'm actually sleeping.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 12, 2020
Arty farty people don't like to be called arty farty. They prefer the full, more pretentious "artisan fartisan"
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) October 13, 2020
I remember being in my early twenties and feeling indestructible.
Today I pulled a muscle in my neck cause I ate a Blackjack
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 12, 2020
They should do more realistic cocktail names, instead of 'Slow comfortable screw' and 'Sex on the beach' they should have 'Is it the green bin this week?' and 'Have you seen the car keys'.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 13, 2020
At the end of ‘Roxanne’ Sting kept singing the chorus for another 24 minutes, not noticing the sound guy leaving his booth and the rest of the band ordering a cab.
— Mark Watson, always banging on about this novel (@watsoncomedian) October 14, 2020
My favorite genre of movie is “This MAN 😂😂 is taking care of CHILDREN 🤣🤣”
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 15, 2020
Save money on mirrors by being a twin. @TwopTwips
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 15, 2020
"This lad will eat anything; Lego, birds, hair… You name it" pic.twitter.com/tQOOYat1bt
— Garby (@Atlantis252) October 15, 2020
— Huw (@ed_son) October 14, 2020
I see Sean Bean has his own range of pizzas in the Netherlands. pic.twitter.com/GRbpZRgylS
— Jason (@NickMotown) October 15, 2020