Tiers, long Covid and circuit-breakers are on the minds of these funny tweeters – 12 lockdown laughs

Oonagh Keating. Updated October 15th, 2020

The government’s three-tier system is causing mayhem, as London goes up a level, making household mixing indoors illegal, and Manchester threatens legal action to stop it going into the top tier.

Spoiler alert – it won’t work.

Over on Twitter the tiers are very much on people’s minds, along with long Covid, a potential ‘circuit-breaker’ and snarky columnists. Well, one snarky columnist.

New Covid19 restrictions:

Medium low high tier:
You can throw a satsuma at a cow.
You can sit in a dodgem car with an architect

Small large tier:
It is illegal to go to a birthday party with Werner Herzog

Tall spatula tier:
A household of 6 can take a bag of cement to a canal

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 13, 2020

Has anyone downloaded the app? Order 6 pints & 3 bowls of swan nuggets. pic.twitter.com/y20hFBHp6L

— Paul (@bingowings14) October 14, 2020

Look, it's simple: You just need to work out which of the three tiers you and each member of your bubble fit into, then divide the total by the first number in your post code, and then retrain for a job in cyber at your local Wetherspoons or Pret.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) October 12, 2020

In keeping with the playground games theme, I propose we rename Tier 3 "Shadow Realms of the Northlands".

— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) October 14, 2020

Remember when Dyson, Rolls Royce and Burberry were going to save us all from Coronavirus? Or did I accidentally ingest acid and dream that?

— Otto English (@Otto_English) October 14, 2020

On the advice of Allison Pearson, I will be closing down all hospitals and dismantling the NHS, because healthcare only postpones death.#Lockdown2 pic.twitter.com/4Q27XL1fZL

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) October 14, 2020

can we get a circuit-breaker for this Government

— dave ❄️ (@davemacladd) October 14, 2020

The Irish government creating a level within a level in a bid to defeat COVID by inception.

— Michael Fry-ght (@BigDirtyFry) October 14, 2020

[at work]

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"
Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

— (@Sundae_Gurl) October 14, 2020

10.

BREAKING: As Keir Starmer says UK needs a circuit breaker in place over Halloween, horror fans assume he’s following the séance.

— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) October 14, 2020

11.

Looks like I’ve had Long-COVID since 2010.

— Dexter AlmightyOBE (@Dexter_Alrighty) October 15, 2020

12.

Last year my friend gave me a rose quartz to help me with a big job and I didn’t believe it was real and I lost the crystal and anyway sorry about the pandemic

— Zoë Tomalin (@ZoeTomalin) October 14, 2020

And a hat tip to @mikegove12 for this subtle pun.

We solder on. https://t.co/CGYRNcj2fb

— Michael Govern Ready (@mikegove12) October 14, 2020

Well, it is a pundemic.

Image @bingowings14