Your weekly Covid-free oasis of funny – our 25 favourites
Welcome to our weekly coronavirus-free oasis of humour. We’ve found the funniest uninfected jokes on Twitter and picked our 25 favourites.
We hope you enjoy them all.
1.
Two years ago, I scribbled down an idea for a feature film. Today I am happy to announce that the idea was terrible, glad I did nothing with it.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) September 18, 2020
2.
I’m Republican and Im okay. I tweet all night and I golf all day.
— Eric Idle (@EricIdle) September 18, 2020
3.
“Follow me. I will take you to the magic land, where there is uninterrupted 4G.” pic.twitter.com/e6dYYCfURw
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) September 19, 2020
4.
Why does every photo of Jared Kushner look like he’s about to take the last slice of pizza pic.twitter.com/6cmg2bdHDc
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) September 18, 2020
5.
No thanks, The Invisible Man. If I want a story about a guy who stalks and terrorizes a woman, I’ll just watch the news.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 20, 2020
6.
Just went for a walk with the family in the Kent countryside. We came across a village cricket game and stopped to have our lunch. Then – and I'm not kidding here – a Spitfire flew overhead. We just needed a little bit of casual racism and we'd have had the most English day ever.
— Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) September 20, 2020
7.
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
— Sarah (@MaidenSarah1) September 19, 2020
8.
What if one day God came down and said "It's pronounced Jod" and then left?
— Markym 🦸🏾🦑 (@SpectreFoto) September 19, 2020
9.
Amazon Prime is the worst.
"Oh I fancy this film"
Prime: You have to pay for that one, mate
"How bout this one?"
Prime: Nah, you gotta subscribe to Starzplay, whatever the fuck that is!
"This one then?"
Prime: You have to throw a clog into the sea if you want to watch it— joe heenan (@joeheenan) September 20, 2020
10.
Who called it graffiti and not "the word on the street"
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) September 21, 2020
11.
Thinking about the time I got paired for a project with the dude who sat beside me in history class and I couldn't remember his name so I thought I'd be sneaky and ask him how he spelled his name instead of asking what it was and he looked me dead in the eyes and said B-E-N
— That Pesky Prostitüt™ (@LittleMissAngr1) September 22, 2020
12.
I've recorded an album called 'Obsessed With Sex'.
It's only got one track, mind.
— Jason (@NickMotown) September 22, 2020
