Our 25 favourite funny tweets from this week
The weekend is so close we can taste it, although we’re 90 per cent certain that licking weekends is on the list of things likely to lead to coronavirus, so we don’t recommend it.
We’ve trawled Twitter for comedic treasure to lay at your feet as a weekend treat, and here they are – 25 gems.
1.
he was a punk … she did ballet pic.twitter.com/KyEIkTuBxC
— faerie king 🗡 (@necrologies) August 8, 2020
2.
Thanks to Parkinson's my eating is increasingly clumsy, but I try hard not to get a chip on my shoulder.
— Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) August 12, 2020
3.
[boardroom]
Bob: Jesus, Jeff, for the last time. NO CLAMS. WE ARE NOT ADDING CLAMS.
Jeff (dressed as clam): I have a gun pic.twitter.com/LaIk7RnKuq
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) August 8, 2020
4.
People always say that dolphins are highly intelligent animals, but did you ever invent anything like pleather, my fishy-mammal friends? No you did not.
— Dan Rebellato (@DanRebellato) August 7, 2020
5.
‘80s inspired my parents’ living
furniture room in 1987 pic.twitter.com/IUl5BowFAt— kyle (@KyleSmells) August 13, 2020
6.
real estate agent: this house has 1 bedroom, 50 hallways, and it's haunted.
pacman: sold
— cam (@climaxximus) August 9, 2020
7.
How did George Bush get a million people killed in Iraq then just rebrand as Bob Ross
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) August 8, 2020
8.
Listen to “Help” by the Beatles and tell me they weren’t waiting for their pizza delivery.
— Bison (@FunnyBison) August 9, 2020
9.
Finally, an answer. pic.twitter.com/kXlvDTp18k
— Alby 🥑 (@Alby) August 10, 2020
10.
I found a parking space RIGHT outside my house so I won’t be using my car again for at least a week.
— Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) August 10, 2020
11.
This picture of Noel Gallagher and Meg Mathews look like they’ve gone to the Manchester Evening News fuming over a dodgy Pot Noodle from their local pound store and want compo. pic.twitter.com/tCTeAv7Dut
— Angry People in Local Newspapers (@angrypiln) August 10, 2020
12.
Can the BBC and Sky News not follow tax dodgers in their yachts instead of migrants fleeing war and Famine?
— Alex Tiffin (@RespectIsVital) August 11, 2020
