The 25 funniest tweets we’ve seen this week
Doing that pants round ankles shuffle to go get more loo roll.
I'm almost at Tesco now.
— Sarah (@MaidenSarah1) July 29, 2020
I have a joke about what it's like being a woman on the internet but I need a man to explain it to me.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 25, 2020
The problem with doing more than five burpees is it's impossible to keep count when you're unconscious
— Daniel José Older (@djolder) July 25, 2020
me: I am going to mute this phrase I do not wish to see
twitter: this tweet includes a word you muted
me: ooo which one *clicks*
— nena socially-distancing from YOU (@NenalataWrites) July 28, 2020
the ideal length for a novel is 175 pages about like, one summer afternoon, or 550 pages about 12 generations of a cursed family; nothing in between!!!!
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) July 28, 2020
I wish I didn’t sing “Very good, very good, very good good good” to the tune of the William Tell overture whenever I complete a task, but I’ve been doing it for well over a year now and can’t see any signs of it stopping.
— Rhodri Marsden (@rhodri) July 29, 2020
I've been taking an online yoga class for a week now and I feel 18 again. That was the year a bus ran over me in the school parking lot.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 28, 2020
— Grace Panetta (@grace_panetta) July 29, 2020
Me: it’s a show about a snake that disguises itself as fruit
Drive thru cashier: sir, you need to be in a car
— Boog (@BoogTweets) July 30, 2020
Anybody can "parkour" if you fill their shoes with legos
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) July 29, 2020
Girls with Ouija board: omg ok does Josh have a crush on Katie
Me, the spirit of a Medieval serf: man I don't fuckin know. Sure
— Sophie (@jil_slander) July 25, 2020
Just realized my “earthquake kit” is a bag of Doritos and one snow boot.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 30, 2020
Removal man, on carrying in the eleventy-twelfth box of CDs: “Mate, have you ever heard of an iPod?” 😂 pic.twitter.com/ADwQ2xdboo
— Mark Pullinger (@larkingrumple) July 30, 2020
Image Daniel Maier