11 funny takes on the latest pandemic news to help take the edge off just a little bit
Today we learned that the government will indeed make face masks mandatory in shops in England, but not until 24 July.
Which managed to anger both people who are happy to wear a mask and want them made compulsory as soon as possible, and people who really, really don’t want to wear one no matter how many lives it might save.
But there were glimmers of light amongst the fury and these 12 takes might help take the edge off just a little bit.
Hi I’m Generic Right Wing Columnist. You might know me from such hits as “the virus will teach you millennials to stop being so selfish for once in your life”. Catch me tomorrow losing my shit about being asked to wear a hanky in John Lewis so that my parents don’t fucking die.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 13, 2020
Obviously Cummings has just realised he knows someone who can make face masks
— Con O'Neill (@cononeilluk) July 13, 2020
The Royal British Legion should make poppy face masks this year, if only so we can witness the tortured mental conflict of Mark François.
— Oonagh (@Okeating) July 14, 2020
You, not wearing a mask because you think it infringes on your human rights: Stupid
Me with a mask filled with hula hoops snacking my way around shops: Genius
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 14, 2020
Where do I get these? pic.twitter.com/w4aoLaVFFM
— cluedont (@cluedont) July 14, 2020
Because I can’t smile at people anymore when I’m out in a facemask I’ve taken to winking like some kind of hygienic Sid James
— Sian Harries (@sianharries_) July 13, 2020
People who refuse to wear masks are a dying breed
— Peter Baynham (@PeterBaynham) July 13, 2020
My glasses steam up when I wear a facemask so I've taken the lenses out
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 13, 2020
I’m really enjoying all the tweets from people with no medical expertise at all telling me that wearing a mask is a pointless act in the fight against the spread of Covid-19.
— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 14, 2020
"Blackout Blinds are an infringement of my human rights: why I'm refusing to turn my lights off during this so-called 'Blitz'"
— by me, an Intellectual, in today's Telegraph pic.twitter.com/afE7mjJh5Q
— WEAR A FUCKING MASK (@pikesley) July 14, 2020
Apparently it's been illegal for some time to go into shops and punch other shoppers in the face. Bloody nanny state. #wearafuckingmask
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 14, 2020
We liked this too, from @richardosman.
Look, most people are going to wear masks, just like most people were kind and careful throughout lockdown. So stop engaging with the ‘no facemasks’ gang. They don’t mean it, they’re showing off to their mates. Give your attention to quiet, empathetic, secure people.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 14, 2020