10 funny things people are saying about the new normal

Oonagh Keating. Updated June 25th, 2020

If you go down to the beach today you’d better go in full hazmat suit …because social distancing has not only gone out the window but down the road, onto the strand and it’s coughing right in everyone’s face.

Bournemouth beach bustling on the warmest day of the year so far – the day after further lockdown easing measures were announced by the government

🎥|@AndyMatthews_PA pic.twitter.com/Sf5WRIRIei

— Joe Pickover (@JPickover) June 24, 2020

We doubt this lot will be grabbing their buckets and spades anytime soon, because they’re far too busy writing funny things for us to enjoy.

1. The latest advice on socialising

Pubs will be re-opened – but you should only go there if it is essential drinking & you cannot drink from home.

— Jamie Bartlett (@JamieJBartlett) June 24, 2020

2. It’s always best to incorporate exercise into your lifestyle

I have lost nearly a stone in lockdown just by going ape shit twice a day.

— Joe Wilkinson (@gillinghamjoe) June 24, 2020

3. Some chores aren’t worth the bother when you’re staying in anyway

I wonder how my iron is doing?

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 23, 2020

4. Minimum effort is a lot smaller now

2019: sorry i'm late, my train was delayed

2020: sorry i'm late, i fundamentally don't respect you enough to click a zoom link on time

— Alex Kealy (@alexkealy) June 19, 2020

5. Some anti-viral measures look oddly familiar

feel old yet??? pic.twitter.com/jZD7hX7WC8

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) June 24, 2020

6. Hand hygiene is a full-time job

*opens front door*

*washes hands*

*takes off gloves & mask*

*washes hands*

*touches wallet that I touched outside*

*washes ha-

— Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) June 24, 2020

7. There are advantages to wearing a mask

The best thing about wearing a mask is that you can mutter "Jesus Christ what is wrong with you, wear a fucking mask", without making anyone feel uncomfortable

— Jon Blyth (@disappointment) June 24, 2020

8. Some people are less well-adapted for the pandemic life

The amount that I splutter over the front row, I'm going to be the last comic in the country allowed back into theatres and they'll have to mark out a special exclusion zone on stage.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) June 24, 2020

9. It’s been a looooong lockdown

When I finally see my lecturers after the lockdown: pic.twitter.com/PChS3qV2kN

— Mr Aristócrata™ (@ChuksNoble4) June 24, 2020

10. A post-lockdown vocabulary is emerging

The new unit of measure for social distancing is called the Weatherspoon.

— b_wildered2 (@b_wildered2) June 23, 2020

Finally, even if you’re staying locked down, it doesn’t have to feel that way.

Pandemic hack: play Hawaiian music in your house and you can pretend you are doing your 2 week quarantine in Kauai. pic.twitter.com/L8LyOd7GJc

— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) June 23, 2020

Image @vigneshmoorthy on Unsplash