10 things we’ve learnt from 10 weeks in lockdown
It’s ten weeks since the lockdown started and, contrary to fairly popular belief, it’s still a thing. This is what we’ve learnt from it.
1. People will always look for loopholes.
Is it true that you aren't breaking any rules if the person you are shagging is employed by you as an au pair?
Asking for a friend. #SexBan
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) June 2, 2020
2. The dog years rule applies, so 10 lockdown weeks is like 70 normal ones.
Not saying the lockdown's long, but Peter Jackson is directing it
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) June 3, 2020
3. We all do things we regret.
Friend: so, how was lockdown for you?
Me *covering my forehead with my hands to hide the bangs I gave myself* so relaxing
— Julicorn 🦄 (@ChicksRule) May 29, 2020
4. The people in charge don’t have all the answers – possibly not any of the answers.
The vacant bafflement of a man who's sat pissed at the wrong bus stop at 3am. pic.twitter.com/g4Tqe5yRZo
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) June 3, 2020
5. Brands are running out of ways to make us want them again.
Imagine my RELIEF —
When I learned Dominos Pizza employees don’t touch my 450-degree pizza!
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) June 3, 2020
6. The loosening of restrictions could have repercussions.
Will I be able to get a haircut and visit my dentist before the second lockdown starts?
— James Turner QC (@JamesTurner37) June 3, 2020
7. Some things just don’t change.
Cheesecake Factory to start reopening restaurants but they will only have a limited 413-page menu.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 3, 2020
8. We all have our own ideas about the exit strategy.
Fine. Boris is allowed to open all the shops ONLY IF this is how we reduce human contact. pic.twitter.com/uMa1kDbHZe
— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) June 3, 2020
9. Virtual consultations come with their own set of problems.
I’ve had to email my doctor’s surgery with a concern my 16 year old daughter has. To help explain the problem, I attached a photo to aid them in a diagnosis. Of course only after sending it did I realise what I actually attached was a photo of Judi Dench as her character in Cats.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 2, 2020
10. We all appreciate things a lot more now.
Just found three Thin Mints from last year in the back of the freezer and suddenly this quarantine has revealed its purpose.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) May 21, 2020