Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
How do you measure time during lockdown if you’re not doing your normal things? In episodes of PE With Joe Wicks? Tesco deliveries? Arguments over whose turn it is to wash the dishes?
Here’s a constant for you – it’s Friday because the Tweets of the Week is out*.
*not applicable if read on subsequent days
1.
WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE!! pic.twitter.com/yR4uVYBhBo
— Seb Patrick (@sebpatrick) May 2, 2020
2.
I’ve invented a new word.
Plagiarism.— Gemma (@Gemma44630665) May 2, 2020
3.
My dad when he sees yer man from that other thing pic.twitter.com/DcAKZCxdd6
— (@JosephBJoyce) May 3, 2020
4.
“John, you’re on mute. John. Mute. You have to unmute.” pic.twitter.com/4N6kd0816m
— SIVA VAIDHYANATHAN🗽🤘🏽 (@sivavaid) May 3, 2020
5.
Read a press release from Heinz saying "We will NEVER make a Bolognese version of Alphabetti Spaghetti" – I thought blimey they don't mince their words.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) May 4, 2020
6.
So I was just stalking a guy I liked years ago on Facebook, and freaked out because he had SO many of the same friends as me! School friends old uni friends…it was only when I saw my Uncle Abdullah in Tehran’s profile that it occurred to me that I’m still on my own page.
— Shappi Khorsandi5667753324777 (@ShappiKhorsandi) May 2, 2020
7.
On this day in 1979 Margaret Thatcher became Prime Minister. I won’t be celebrating, for the same reasons that I don’t commemorate the anniversary of my house being burgled.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) May 4, 2020
8.
Sorry, it’s absolutely mad that all the Von Trapp children have the same bedtime. No wonder the sixteen-year-old is sneaking out to sing with nazi postmen.
— Hannah Duncombe (@HannahDuncombe) May 3, 2020
9.
The Tiger who came to tee. pic.twitter.com/dV8xgOfKzf
— Paul Sinha (@paulsinha) May 4, 2020
10.
Dollar re-forming as an acoustic act did not go well. pic.twitter.com/BI7IdoMBTP
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 5, 2020
11.
What I said: Nicole, please can you wash up.
What she heard: Fancy a quick game of Buckaroo?’ pic.twitter.com/vetrXQen71— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) May 5, 2020
12.
THINK BIKEST. pic.twitter.com/g0cZZiovv2
— Robert Popper (@robertpopper) May 6, 2020
