There’s a brand new batch of lockdown tweets – our 13 funny faves

Oonagh Keating. Updated May 7th, 2020

It looks like lockdown rules might be about to relax, alongside a cut in the furlough scheme, so the “stay home” message is probably going to evolve.

This time next week, there’ll be a lot more jokes about hating being outside than hating being inside.

In the meantime, enjoy this crop of funny stuff.

She’s got social distancing etiquette down cold. pic.twitter.com/ONFA2HEn9o

— (@TiaBarracini) May 5, 2020

Is it, open the diary to 2021… pic.twitter.com/jZLPz8wnb0

— Steve N Allen (@mrstevenallen) May 6, 2020

This year is the worst Choose Your Own Adventure book ever written.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 6, 2020

me? yeah, i’m tryna keep busy… pic.twitter.com/UFML22NSPH

— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) May 6, 2020

Shock as reports of record UK deaths from Covid-19 shove sex scandal off front pages of no newspapers.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) May 6, 2020

When the government said ‘flatten the curve’, I didn’t know they meant flat line at the peak.

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) May 6, 2020

Hi would you mind installing the #ContactTracingApp to try to prevent people from dying
UK: OH HELL NO TRACKING MY MOVEMENTS WOAH THERE FELLA
Hi! Would you like to play the FREE game Super Shiny Jewel Compulsion 4? Just click on 'I'm ok with you knowing everything!'
UK: WAHEYYY

— NotTodayPod (@NotTodayPod) May 5, 2020

People using the #coronavirusuk likened to WWII as us ‘under attack’ are fucking insane. Go build a bunker and hide in there with all your neighbours, eating spam, doing handjobs for nylons and sing songs about Dover and let me know you all get on in two weeks time

— Janey Godley (@JaneyGodley) May 6, 2020

Do elephants wear their face masks like

This Or This pic.twitter.com/YNmU04ysRa

— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) May 5, 2020

10.

“I’m going shopping!” I announce, zipping up a full-body wet suit, strapping on an oxygen tank, and lowering myself into a giant hamster ball filled with hand sanitizer.

— batkaren (@batkaren) May 5, 2020

11.

I have not received a single message thanking me for saving lives every day by choosing not to break quarantine to bone

— Ken Cheng (@kenchengcomedy) May 6, 2020

12.

There's some toddler outside on our street having an absolutely epic meltdown and I just want to lean out the window and yell "Speaking for all of us there, mate"

— Martin Belam (@MartinBelam) May 6, 2020

13.

I think the pandemic was secretly caused by the global elite for no other reason than to annoy conspiracy theorists

— Glenn Wool (@GlennWool) May 6, 2020

Finally …

The last few seconds of this is Johnson implementing a lockdown pic.twitter.com/YC6YzVbmSE

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 6, 2020

Image @PleaseBeGneiss