These bedtime questions from a 6-year-old are hilariously surreal

9. The pet

Him: before you try to put me to bed I am talking to you about my pet.

Me: you don't have a pet, hon.

Him: I knew you would be reeeeeaaaally scared. you don't even have to see it.

Me: ….. are you telling me

Him: I HID HIM.

Me: (to husband) PLEASE COME IN HERE

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 19, 2020

10. Can we make a wolf?

Me: Night lovie

Him: Does God sleep? Does God sleep on another planet? God didn't make me Mom. You made me. With your body. And when I came out we looked at each and it was LOVE MOM. I love wolves. Can we make a wolf? With a collar? With a crystal on the collar? Tomorrow? Wolfs?

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 19, 2020

11. Boats and pirates

Him: Mom, can we talk about boats?

Me: one thing and then eyes closed

Him: OKAY (deep breath) because pirates are REAL and are alive NOW. But mostly they killed a-chother or were killed by GIANT SQUIDS or monsters that (giant arms) SQUEEZE BOATS AND CRUSH THEM. Sigh. Goodnight.

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 20, 2020

12. Bad dinner

Me: you are a wonderful boy

Him: but I don't know what blueberries smell like

Me: try tomorrow

Him: how do pirates feel when they walk on land? Weird?

Me: not sure. goodnight

Him: dinner tonight was bad. i mean, BAD

Me: NOT NICE BUD

Him: (kisses my nose) but good try, mom

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 22, 2020

13. The Yeti and animal attacks

Him: Mom, sometimes I am so scared of the Yeti. Not the Loch Ness, that is fine. But the Yeti..

Me: You're safe. Love you sweetie. Night. (leaves)

Him: Yes, but have you ever been bitten by a tiger?

Him: But you've been bitten by a wolf? A bear?

—

Him: SO THAT'S A YES?!!!

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 22, 2020

14. Spelling as a mother trap

Me: goodnight lovie

Him: (waggling eyebrows) goodnight mom. It will be hard for you to leave

Me: (kisses head) I'll be fine

Him: Goodnight "M" "O" "M". "M" "O" "M" spells DAD…right mom? (makes direct eye contact)

Me: You know how much I want to correct you

Him: I DO!!

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 25, 2020

15. Teeth and ageing

Him: Night! oh mom, I think this is a new tooth

**shows molar. WHAT. Is that a wisdom tooth? hiding alarm**

Me: oh dear. you are getting older.

Him: OH! can I get my driver's license?

Me: you are 6

Him: FINE! so can I stop the tooth from growing so I don't grow up?!

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 28, 2020

Finally, this conversation from early April is one reason the sleepless nights are worth it.

Him: before you go, tell me one constellation of stars.
Me: Orion. Goodnight lovie.
Him: mom, wait! I have to tell you. [dramaric pause] I picked you.
Me: what?
Him: as a baby. I picked you. For my mom.
Me: [melting]
Him: I picked your tummy. You are MY mom.
Me: you win.

— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 9, 2020

Please head over to Kate’s Twitter account to see more of these amazing night-time thoughts.

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Source Kate Bowler Image @klimsergeev and @erwanhesry on Unsplash