19 of the best lockdown jokes to help us all stay positive
Everyone has been quite shocked to hear that the PM has been moved to intensive care. We wish him a speedy recovery and the UK a swift deliverance from Dominic Raab.
In the meantime, here’s what other people have been saying about the virus and its many consequences.
1.
I bloody love Jamie Oliver’s Keep Cooking and Carry On because he says you can substitute ingredients for ones you do have in the cupboard. I made his Aubergine Curry Dal with Herby Flatbreads tonight. pic.twitter.com/kYvOnE2LFv
— Tuppence Pennyapple III (@fabulucy) April 6, 2020
2.
PITCH: Reverse Big Brother, where we're all stuck at home in lockdown and we watch a show about twelve people going on about their lives as normal
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) April 6, 2020
3.
Tickled my 9yr old son so much I made him pee his pants a little & now my 4yr old son is crying cause I didn't make him pee his pants.
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 6, 2020
4.
I was just about to tweet something and I asked my husband: “Is this funny?”
He had a look and replied, “It’s a totally functional joke.”
I won’t tweet it.
This could be a long six months.— Victoria Coren Mitchell (@VictoriaCoren) April 7, 2020
5.
Productivity goals for this day of Our Lord I think it’s Tuesday, whatever.
1: wash face
2: put knickers on
3: that’s it.
— Sarah Phelps (@PhelpsieSarah) April 7, 2020
6.
When everyone goes for a walk in the park & finds it disgraceful that others had the same idea as them. pic.twitter.com/w9FOVrKOwu
— The People’s Chris Rose (@ArchRose90) April 5, 2020
7.
One day, animals will permanently overrun our towns. Deer will cake Primark's changing rooms in shit. Goats will brawl on the bar in Wetherspoons, while owls roost in the crisps aisle in Tesco. Waitrose, however, will tend to stay largely empty, due to the excessive prices.
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) April 6, 2020
8.
The BBC’s ‘Who is Dominic Raab?’ Guide includes his black belt in karate. You know, incase we were worried he wouldn’t be able to kick & chop the virus into submission. pic.twitter.com/C4TaJpAWV4
— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) April 7, 2020
9.
My postman delivered this box to my porch this morning, then tapped the window, shouted ‘going down in style, eh?’ and stuck his thumb up. pic.twitter.com/XqnGe6dc0J
— Helen Ingram (@drhingram) April 6, 2020
10.
Somehow it seems absolutely right that the way we hear about the end of humanity is a slide show presentation fronted by Dominic Raab
— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) April 6, 2020
