We flushed out the best toilet roll jokes – our 17 favourites

In a rapidly changing world, it’s good to know that there are some constants. The sun still rises, the birds still sing, and Donald Trump is still giving coronavirus updates within touching distance of a crowd of officials, many of whom are coughing and touching their faces.

Toilet roll jokes are another constant, so we’ve flushed out some of the best from the past few weeks and we present them for you now, so you have something to read on the toilet.

1.

Welcome to Britain. Supermarkets are now just mad max with trolleys. Toilet roll is the new currency. The government yell that all our nans will die from the safety of their quaratine blimp. A man yells 'keep calm and carry on' as he rugby tackles a 4yr old for the last marmite.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 15, 2020

2.

January 1st: "This is gonna be MY BEST YEAR EVER !!!"

March 26th: "Wiping my arse with a Pot Noodle lid"

— #Marcher (@MarcherLord1) March 26, 2020

3.

listening to new music is weird at the moment. Like, I really like The Weeknd's new album, but for the rest of my life it'll remind me of the year I had to wipe my ass with a sock

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) March 25, 2020

4.

Ran out of toilet roll, so reduced to wiping my bum with lettuce leaves. I fear that's just the tip of the iceberg…

— Maz (@Emwold1) March 14, 2020

5

Day 6 of self-isolation and I’m barely halfway through my first loo-roll. Not even close to being wiped out. 💪🏻

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) March 26, 2020

6.

Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a girl with hand sanitizer for some good clean fun.

— Anthony Lock (@BrokenByWar) March 24, 2020

7

Hi guys because of the toilet roll shortage everybody needs to seriously start putting their poo back up their bottom and keeping it there till this whole thing is sorted

— Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) March 14, 2020

8.

I’m not worried about a shortage of toilet paper – I have set aside a substantial supply of things I can use instead:
-the Russia Report
-any briefing paper longer than 3 bullet points
-written complaints about Priti Patel#toiletpaperpanic #COVIDー19

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 6, 2020

9.

It’s a good job I gave up shitting for lent.

— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) March 15, 2020