The truth about life with kids – according to these 19 parents
A lot of parents are currently spending far more time with their children than they usually do, some of them while also trying to work from home. But it’s worth remembering that parents have already made one huge step, just by having kids in the first place.
Here’s a little insight into the quirks of life with children.
They bring an inevitable amount of mess and dirt – including smells.
Person: Hey, there's some crumbs on the floor.
Me: Oh, I'll get the hoover.
Person: There's a slice of watermelon on your sofa.
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) July 17, 2019
I’m no parenting expert, but one thing I can tell you is to only feed your kids rice on the day you plan to vacuum.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 15, 2019
Ways in which nightclubs prepared me for motherhood:
We always go to the toilet in pairs
The floor is sticky
I'm scared that I've sat in someone's bodily fluids, again
Someone is crying over something mad
There's repetitive music
I've got a headache
Someone's thrown up
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) September 9, 2019
3 year old: Mummy, daddy….I pooped.
Wife: Wow this smells like a bad one.
****takes off diaper****
Wife: WOW….this is bad!
3 year old: holy fuck mum…..
— Ben Bruce (@benjaminbruce) February 26, 2020
They completely change your habits.
I like to play this game where I try to cram my entire adult life into the 2 hours I get after putting the kids to bed before falling asleep on the couch and hurting my neck.
— Jenny Schoberl (@holdin_holden) May 17, 2018
Opening a chocolate wrapper as quietly as possible – before seeing the silhouette of my toddler approach from behind me regardless – is as close as I've come to feeling like I'm in a horror movie.
— Michael Clarke (@Mr_Mike_Clarke) March 16, 2020
Before kids: shower sex
After kids: shower decontamination
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) February 20, 2019
Becoming a parent can really throw a curve ball at your "Recently Played" Spotify list. pic.twitter.com/IH6nkx4f5u
— Aaron Levie (@levie) July 17, 2019
Me before having kids: lll never use baby talk
Me now: hi hunny bunny, did you have a good nappy???
— leaf eating alex (@thewitchydoula) March 22, 2019
• expensive & boring
• they will live with you for 18 years
BEFRIENDING A CROW
• cheap & exciting
• they will bring you gifts
• there is a good chance they will also be willing to do crimes for you
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) February 28, 2020