Scientists say masturbation can help people fight the coronavirus – 7 handy responses
Whilst all the current advice to prevent the spread of Covid-19 is to wash hands well and frequently, with soap and water, a study has shown another avenue.
— Big Think (@bigthink) March 5, 2020
How did they discover this?
Does it really boost the immune system or are people too busy at home to jump on a bus and catch everyone’s germs?
Did they wash their hands before they handed over their findings?
The Twitter reactions got a bit out of hand, so we narrowed it down to our favourites.
That's it. I'm off to Wuhan without a face mask. https://t.co/o8OnYp56uV
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) March 7, 2020
HA! I’m going to print this out and send it to everyone who said I ‘ruined the whole funeral’. https://t.co/0TyiBH7VXA
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) March 7, 2020
So basically to avoid the virus you have to
>Be a shut-in
>Have no social contact
>Masturbate all day
Damn weebs really being favorited by nature huh https://t.co/yB72a4ct5u
— Karen-chan 玉子 🌸 (@FireSisterBee) March 8, 2020
Cut to the CDC briefing
“Ask not what your country can do for you . Ask what you can do for your country” https://t.co/Mrjqds7wyM
— Diedrich Bader (@bader_diedrich) March 7, 2020
Not even 9:30 and I'm having to tell people they can't wank away coronavirus how's your Saturday going? pic.twitter.com/kMxhDczCW5
— James (@jrawson) March 7, 2020
In the interests of keeping myself healthy for the good of the country, I will be dedicating several hours to boosting my immune system today. https://t.co/39rt5m0XUt
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) March 8, 2020
Is anyone else really struggling to jerk off to the coronavirus? It’s like a 7 at best https://t.co/VYvJWMmeCd
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) March 8, 2020
Anaesthetist and funny tweeter, Dave Jones, joined up some dots.
Explains why people are panic buying toilet paper then. https://t.co/3iL6L2pwAF
— Dave Jones 🏴🏳️🌈 (@WelshGasDoc) March 7, 2020
That’s going to make us look at stockpilers in a whole new light.