Don’t get bogged down by the great toilet roll shortage – just read these 19 funny takes
The coronavirus has had an increasingly alarming effect worldwide. Much of North Italy is in lockdown, China has endured weeks of minimal business activity, with citizens remaining isolated in their homes, and President Trump is pretending it’s a hoax.
In the UK, people have been panic-buying the one thing they’ll desperately want if they end up self-isolating …no, not alcohol – toilet paper.
One group in particular must be rubbing their hands with glee – and not with hand sanitiser, because that’s sold out as well.
The toilet paper manafacturers are really cleaning up.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) March 7, 2020
Like some people’s loo rolls, it was all completely over the top.
1.
"Tom, how much do you need?"
"Two hundred and forty-two rolls."
"Aw, Tom, just enough to wipe your arse with til the panic's over"
"I'll take two hundred and forty-two rolls." pic.twitter.com/BxYEJw3Rr6— Robert Peacock (@Peaky76) March 8, 2020
2.
Most valuable substances by weight, in increasing order of value:
Beluga caviar
Gold
Platinum
Heroin
Methamphetamine
Crack cocaine
Rhino horn
Plutonium
Diamond
Californium
Hand sanitizer
Toilet paper— David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 7, 2020
3.
That bit at the end of Titanic when it's starting to sink & Leo looks Kate in the eyes & says
"We better get all the toilet paper"
Heartbreaking stuff— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 8, 2020
4.
Not saying people are overreacting about coronavirus but my rich neighbour is stockpiling real puppies as Waitrose has run out of Andrex #toiletpaperpanic #coronvirusuk #coronavirus
— Ben Turner Comedian (@benturnercomedy) March 7, 2020
5.
Later, my wife and I will head to Sainsbury's, where I might discover the answer to a question I have long pondered: am I prepared to kill for a 9-pack of soft, smooth Andrex Skin Kind with Aloe Vera?
Reader, I think I am.
— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) March 8, 2020
6.
I’ve enjoyed the photos of supermarket shelves empty of any kind of pasta EXCEPT WHOLEMEAL. I expect people are wary of too much roughage what with the Great Toilet Roll Famine of 2020.
— Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed)) (@ancientnmodern) March 7, 2020
7.
Normal schedule:
Breakfast
Coffee
Lunch
Dinner
BedPanic buyers:
Breakfast
Shitting
Might go for a shit again
It’s shitting time
Lunch, to refill for some more shitting
Treating myself to a shit
Time for the main evening shitaroo— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 7, 2020
8.
— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) March 8, 2020
9.
Britain: "We can survive anything, we are the greatest country"
Also Britain: "Gotta panic buy bog roll because the papers said anyone with a cough is gonna explode"
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 7, 2020
10.
2019:
“The British people are prepared for No Deal Brexit. The Blitz spirit will see us through”2020:
The British people absolutely lose their shit over 12-packs of Andrex. #ToiletPaperApocalypse— David Schneider (@davidschneider) March 7, 2020
