People shared the slightly wrong phrases they’ve heard- our 23 favourites
Artist Moose Allain is known for his distinctive style and devious punnery, with numerous books and prints out in the world.
He’s also a Twitter favourite, often prompting his many followers to respond to his anecdotes with similar tales.
Moose recently told this story of a slightly bemusing turn of phrase.
A visit from the chap who services our boiler. He’s been ill, but responded to our “How are you?” with “Still alive! Which makes a change”.
Had me scratching my head.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) February 12, 2020
There followed a delightful flood of similarly odd things people had heard, and we’ve chosen some to share.
An engineer working on my printing press once said to me:
“The thing with blue cheese is, you either love it or you hate it… me? I don’t mind it”.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) February 13, 2020
A coworker rearranged her office furniture to “improve the karma sutra.” She meant feng shui.
— Sunny Pirhana Dentures (@Lompocaloca) February 12, 2020
I once overheard a conversation where a wife was complaining to her husband about one of her friends who was “always going off on a tandem”. He looked at me and I had to look quickly down at my book.
— Dave Rodney (@daverodney) February 12, 2020
A colleague said her landlord was suffering in the hot weather as he had to wear robes. “He’s an orthopaedic Jew,” she explained.
— Lucie Toblerone (@msloobylou) February 12, 2020
I remember my builder telling me about the time he left his van on a double yellow for 30 seconds, and "sure as eggs would have it" he got a ticket. We both knew that wasn't quite right but we couldn't figure out exactly where he'd gone wrong so we just carried on.
— Dean Bullen (@deanbullen) February 12, 2020
Worked with someone in a call centre who when asked “how are you?” answered with “happy as the day is Larry”
— Stevie Jackson (@bobby__peru) February 12, 2020
I once said to a friend that “I’m not just stupid” instead of “not just a pretty face”. It has stuck. But that’s unfortunate when I use it on other people, by mistake!
— Louise Leigh does it! (@speshmagiclady) February 12, 2020
My other half says " you can be rest assured". Drives me mad
— lorna howie (@lhowie13) February 12, 2020
My Mum says "As A.S.A.P. as possible."
Without a trace of irony.
— Hilliat Fields (@hilliatfields) February 12, 2020
My sister in law is wonderful for these.
"I'm going to go and live on my own like a Kermit"
"Well you know a leper can't change his spots"
"I'm like the methodical son"
— MonkeyDog (@monkeydogify) February 13, 2020
“Why are you bringing these people here, you know this place is my refuse.” From a friends boyfriend in New York when she bought eight of us back from a bar.
— James Brown (@jamesjamesbrown) February 13, 2020
Friend addressing her young teen son ‘you’re skating on borrowed time, young man’
— Gary G (@Leeds_Gary) February 13, 2020