25 favourite funny things from the week
It’s been a brutal week in one way or another. Storm Ciara brought chaos to the UK and Ireland, the coronavirus carried on growing, and the cabinet reshuffle swept a new broom through the careers of several bemused MPs.
As all that happened, Twitter’s funny people kept putting the smiles back on our faces, and we’ve gathered our favourite offerings.
My kids just begged me to play Fortnite with them. I said yes and they cheered and I actually felt a bit emotional. Just now I heard them talking amongst themselves about how funny it’s going to be having someone as shit as me involved.
— Romesh Ranganathan (@RomeshRanga) February 9, 2020
Justin Bieber looks like the guy who only spins the lassies really fast on the waltzers pic.twitter.com/2UcH1oq9OQ
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) February 12, 2020
Nurse just called out “Muhammad Ali” which gives you some idea of how long we’ve been waiting.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) February 10, 2020
Just a warning if you're buying a watch on Amazon. I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) February 9, 2020
No matter how old you get, you still have to work out siblings' ages by adding or subtracting from your own
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) February 12, 2020
I prefer the term busy professional, thank you. pic.twitter.com/mGTVBIhKlk
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 12, 2020
I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got really annoyed when everyone else started using it.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) February 11, 2020
Reveal your age by telling me how old you are.
— Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) February 12, 2020
FUN GAME: When someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say “Like the murderer?!”
— Nope, It's Gone (@Joust_A_Minute) February 7, 2020
My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020
good news: I'm in the best shape of my life since becoming a professional boxer
bad news: I'm dying of dehydration because I can't drink water without spitting it out
— Sarah Archer (@SarahArcherM) February 8, 2020
Any time a child tries to guess my age. pic.twitter.com/Li5jrLIXdd
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) February 12, 2020