This guy decided to shave his butt and instantly regretted it (NSFW)
Then, at some point, you have to make a decision: Am I only shaving the outside? Or do I go, uh, between the pages? In my ongoing brilliance, I decided that shaving just the outer cheeks would only serve to make the inside appear that much hairier, so I parted the fold and continued inward.
This, it turns out, is a different undertaking altogether. Skin that never sees the light of day is, understandably, much more sensitive. Also, by this time I was sweating from nervousness, and it helps nothing to also now have the potential for losing my grip on the razor.
It took probably 45 minutes altogether, and by the time I finished this somewhat harrowing project, I was feeling pretty accomplished.
I wasn’t done, however, with my string of bad decisions. Aftershave was a terrible, horrible idea. I only had a minute or two of enjoying my nice, smooth butt before I decided something along the lines of, “Now let’s make this smooth skin feel like someone set it on fire.”
It took a solid half-hour for the burning sensation to subside. And by then, there was no real enjoyment over my achievement, just a relief that my ass no longer felt ablaze.
And that brings us to the final experience, which is the ongoing consequence of this particular grooming experiment. You know how each of us sort of learns the best way to position yourself so you can stifle a fart? Shaving your butt changes all of that drastically. You will never fart quietly with a shaved butt, and I do mean never.
About an hour or so after I had finished, I dropped a normal-sized fart without really thinking about it. The sound visibly startled me. It was like someone fired a machine gun in an echo chamber. Anyone within earshot will clearly hear the unmistakable sound of your butt cheeks slapping against each other.
And without hair to provide an easy exit, you will feel the little gas bubbles as they slowly work their way up your butt crack, like the carbonation bubbles on a Sprite that you’ve poured into a glass. Every fart since then has been a very similar experience, and I now suspect this will continue until the hair grows back.
I guess it was worth doing in the sense of, “Well, now I know what that’s like.” But I can’t say I recommend the experience, and I’m certainly never planning to do it again.
TL;DR Shaved my butt. Was difficult. Used aftershave, which set my ass on fire. Can never fart silently again.
There was an update …what’s wrong with people?
Edit: To those of you sending me private messages, I am 100% not going to send you a photo of my butt. I’m flattered, but it’s not happening. Not even for “science” or for “education.” My story in text form is as far as I’m willing to go. You all are hilarious, though!
u/first-time-callher pointed out BabyHooey’s rookie mistake.
This is why beard trimmers were invented
Although, we’re inclined to think that beards are why beard trimmers were invented.
A Redditor named tacklingalzheimerspt had a devastating heads-up for him.
Just wait until you experience butt stubble… I’d imagine it’ll be quite unpleasant.
Ouch!
BabyHooey concluded:
“I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted.“
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This dad offered to help his teenage son learn to shave and was brutally owned
