Our 25 favourite funny things from the last week
We weren’t sure whether to bother gathering jokes this week after seeing Boris Johnson try to describe his shampoo to the gripped public during his live Q&A, because we weren’t sure we’d find anything to rival it for laughs.
We did gather some, though, and we’re happy to announce that these 25 funny things are considerably more entertaining than Johnson’s blathering – or lathering.
1.
My mum's staying over again.
She got up about half 9, walked through to the livingroom & I said
"Oh, is the bed on fire?"
Felt amazing— joe heenan (@joeheenan) January 19, 2020
2.
kid, when life gets you down you got three choices pic.twitter.com/AlVUVqhaS3
— Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) January 18, 2020
3.
villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum
Tony the Tiger: they're fine
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 21, 2020
4.
me: sure could use a nap
brain: that sounds great
me: let's do it
brain: we are go for nap
me: *dozing off*
brain: lol wouldn't it be cute if dinosaur balls were called t-rexticles
me: GODDAMMIT yes that would be very fucking cute
— The Girl Who Came to Stay (@Mom_Overboard) January 18, 2020
5.
mental how someone out there has eaten the most crisps in the world and they dont even know about their achievement
— Çåłłüm 🏴 (@callumkchadwick) January 18, 2020
6.
rip u wiv da anglers now xxxxx pic.twitter.com/ZvFpMFuT1j
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 20, 2020
7.
Funny how the UFO sightings have reduced drastically after Cell phone cameras became better.
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) January 19, 2020
8.
cat: *rolls over on back* pet my belly
me: no i know this is a trap
cat:
me:
cat:
me: fine *goes to pet belly*
cat: *claws & bites my hand* hahah have some scratches, as a treat you stupid idiot
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 20, 2020
9.
WIFE: you’ll be ok?
ME: please don’t worry
WIFE: ok I'll be back in 2 days
ME: have fun![few minutes later]
WIFE: I forgot my ke—OHMYGOD[I’m topless and holding a conch. the coffee table is ablaze. the kids feast on the dog's remains]
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) January 20, 2020
10.
Brain: Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it
Mouth: WAN pic.twitter.com/9w3OfwhthG
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) January 20, 2020
11.
At my funeral I want the priest to read out a long bit about how much I loved darts. I don’t love darts but my family and friends will be like “wow we never really knew him”.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) January 22, 2020
12.
*Wile E Coyote comes out of building, looks both ways and speed walks away* pic.twitter.com/9ty755b7UB
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 21, 2020