This tale about an old lady in the Co-op is one of the greatest ever Twitter threads
Here is a simply brilliant tale from January 2020, told by the marvellous Rab Livingstone.
I’m just going for a shower, but remind me to tell you what happened in the Co-op today.
You WILL NOT believe it.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
And it deserved it. It’s a tale of two jobsworths and one awesome old lady.
Thanks for reminding me.
Anyway, I was in the Co-op earlier and I saw two security guards stopping an old woman at the far door and accusing her of taking a shortcut with no intention of making a purchase.
It has two entrances, you see. One on each of two parallel streets.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
To be fair, there is a note on each door saying ‘NO PURCHASE, NO SHORTCUT’.
I didn’t really have the time to get involved…… but I did.
I asked the guard that was holding the old woman against the wall what the problem was….
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
The guard who was on the radio, asking for back up, put his hand on my shoulder and said, “leave this to us, sir.”
The old woman butted in and claimed that she wasn’t going out the door, she was going to get a basket.
“Why didn’t you get a basket at the door you came in?”
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Asked the guard with the radio, in the style of Judge Judy.
He had a point.
She said the last time she took a basket from that door she cut her finger and the manager threw her out for bleeding on the cabbages.
I couldn’t help thinking there was history here.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Anyway. I engaged my diplomatic skills by suggesting that they just let her take a basket.
They had a little huddle then radio man nodded in agreement, but added that she had to buy something.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
The jobsworths stayed on her case, so she had to comply with their conditions.
She walked around the whole store, pretending to be shopping, with one guard following her and the other one hiding behind a lifesize cardboard cut out of Ainsley Harriott just inside her preferred exit door.
After 5 minutes she picked up a small tomato and put it in her basket.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
Sort of.
She then went to the till and paid for it, 8p, declined a bag and dropped it in her coat pocket.
The guard following her could hardly contain his rage, but obviously knew she’d beaten them.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
As she made her way to the door, the guard hiding behind Ainsley jumped out with his arms out and shouted, “Oh no you don’t.”
He was obviously unaware that a purchase had been made and look crestfallen when his mate shouted, “Let her go. She’s got a tomato.”
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) 9 January 2020
