25 of the funniest things from this week

We’ve made it through another week of 2020, unlike the government’s promises to EU nationals in the UK, Donald Trump’s ability to pronounce “tolerated”, and the Royal Family tableau at Madame Tussaud’s.

During that week, the funny people of Twitter have been helping us avoid the news wherever possible by creating stuff like these 25 funny things.

1.

The Ascent of Ham pic.twitter.com/k7EvVYcMTT

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 5, 2020

2.

Housemates pic.twitter.com/loF94PWxTU

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) January 5, 2020

3.

Astronomers:
spend 8 months observing, analyzing and interpreting data with a team of 5, publish minor finding after stringent expert peer review about how a star behaved in a single week

Astrologers:
tell everyone on Earth how their entire life will play out in 2 minutes

— Dr James O'Donoghue (@physicsJ) January 5, 2020

4.

Think I found out where Kelis lives. pic.twitter.com/3GIaPO2Eqk

— Finn Hopson (@FinnHop) January 5, 2020

5.

You know, a few years ago I would've been 100% against this. pic.twitter.com/QpxcpnSUgH

— Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) January 5, 2020

6.

He got joo joo eyeballs
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
He wear no shoeshine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He got walrus gumboot

Police Sketch Artist: Riiiiight. Can we start again?

— Disgruntled Ferret (@PeevedFerret) January 3, 2020

7.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man a fish, an owl, a bison and a snake and soon his small but charming zoo will be a thriving concern.

— Arena Flowers (@ArenaFlowers) January 10, 2020

8.

In all my years on this planet, if I've learnt anything at all, if I can pass anything useful to the rest of humanity, it's this:

Don't buy a touch lamp if you have a cat.

— Holly 'self-partnered' Brockwell (@holly) January 6, 2020

9.

Who’s your favourite Beatle: Jack Douglas, Charles Bronson, Rodney Bewes, or Richard O’Sullivan? pic.twitter.com/8hLF2jmXad

— Neil (@_Enanem_) January 6, 2020

10.

The best cure for a persistent cough is to stop drinking milk. My elderly neighbour had a hacking cough for months but since he started leaving his milk on his doorstep a couple of weeks ago, it seems to have cleared up completely.

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) January 6, 2020

11.

Still pretend I'm forging a sword whenever I put a hot pan in cold water. 32 this year.

— Luke Morris (@lukemorris41) January 5, 2020

12.

DM: You find a large beast

Player: OH MY GOD CAN I TAME IT AND USE IT AS A MOUNT!?

DM: …you know what, go ahead and roll for it.#dnd #dungeonsanddragons #dnd5e pic.twitter.com/Uf2PYxsPip

— The GodDamn DM (@TheGodDamnDM) January 6, 2020