Simply 27 ‘dad jokes’ to make your day better
If you’re having a bad day then these 27 ‘dad jokes’ are just what you need right now.
And if you’re already having a good day, it’s about to get even better! All courtesy of the brilliant @TheTommyCooper on Twitter.
1.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) December 6, 2019
2.
I said: “How long will my spaghetti be?” The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) November 8, 2019
3.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) May 27, 2019
4.
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) September 27, 2019
5.
I saw an ad in a shop window that said “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Full”. I thought: “I can’t turn that down”.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) September 19, 2019
6.
I got fired from my job at the bank. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) April 24, 2019
7.
So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Arthur's Close'. He said,
'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) March 7, 2019
8.
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) June 21, 2018
9.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 9, 2019
10.
Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people. They believe he could be following some kind of pattern.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 7, 2019
11.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) August 16, 2018
12.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) March 1, 2019
13.
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, that's the last thing I need.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) January 14, 2019
14.
.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
— Tommy Cooper (@TheTommyCooper) April 27, 2018