These 16 funny Christmas card captions are definitely not by Hallmark (NSFW)
Around seven billion Christmas cards are exchanged each year, most of them by 9-year-olds, who insist on handing them out to the entire school. We all know there’s a pecking order for who gets the good card, and if you receive the one with a photo of two baubles or a badly painted sprig of holly, you’re definitely not flavour of the month with the sender.
These 16 vintage cards have been given an update with captions that aren’t exactly in the Christmas spirit, but they certainly liven things up.
1. After the first 50 miles, Melchior began to wonder whether myrrh would work as a substitute for pile ointment.
2. Eventually, Santa would be charged with over 2000 counts of child exploitation, but the burglary offences were allowed to lie on file.
3. “What’s this gender stereotypical bullshit, Santa? I distinctly remember asking for a cordless drill.”
4. And, lo, the shepherds did bow down to the Lord and present him with the gift of a lamb, which was at one and the same time for Christmas and also his birthday.
5. “Fuck Greta Thunberg. I’d like to see her do 22 million deliveries an hour by reindeer.”
6. “Karen! Karen! They’ve printed my letter about why Die Hard isn’t a Christmas film!”
7. Emily couldn’t decide which she wanted more – the remaining cat or a hat to match the muff.
8. Crawl as fast as you like, Sunbeam. I’ve already eaten all the tree chocolates.
