Our 25 favourite funniest things of the week
It’s less than two weeks until the UK goes to the polls, less than a month until Christmas, and less than a decade until Greta Thunberg wags her finger at us as the polar ice caps vanish – possibly. For all those shared reasons and many personal ones, we could all do with a laugh, and here are 25 – just for you (and the other people reading this).
Okay. What I don't get is, is dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from your amusement park actually illegal? Just because some teenagers and a dog say so?
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) November 22, 2019
Nike: we named our brand after the Greek god for victory
Puma: we named our brand after a sleek feline renowned for stalking its prey
Le Coq Sportif: it’s the sport chicken
— stonkbroeker (@maxuthink) November 22, 2019
I love those stories on the local news where an old couple has been going to the same branch of McDonalds every day for thirty years and to celebrate they give them a coffee each and six free mcnuggets
— Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) November 25, 2019
When it gets rudely awaken by the dustman pic.twitter.com/q7lmZVypf1
— Emma (@ViolasDisguise) November 26, 2019
Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?
Mum: *nudging me* that should've been…why are you climbing over the seats?
Mum: Should you really be taking photographs?
Mum: No, you can’t quote me as a ‘shocked onlooker.’
Mum: He’s not my son, I’ve never seen him before
— David Banks (@DBanksy) November 28, 2019
fuck’s sake what’s she done now pic.twitter.com/tckDXo3rVj
— Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) November 26, 2019
Optometrist: *hands me vision test results*
Me: perfect score!
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) November 25, 2019
*puts lid on tube of Pringles*
“Well, that’s enough of those.”
*briefly looks away, sees tube of pringles*
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) November 24, 2019
God DAMN it, Axl. pic.twitter.com/iQHipPdr20
— Craig Mac Ádaidh (@Craigadd) November 26, 2019
Boyfriend is having his hair cut. Stylist asked if we are an item or related. I said both. Nobody apart from me laughed. It’s awkward now.
— Rachel Fairburn (@RachelFairburn) November 26, 2019
DM: ‘You come to large wooden door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’
DM: ‘An orc opens it and asks you to come in.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM ‘He asks you to come inside again.’
Cat: ‘I do nothing.’
DM: ‘Eventually the orc tires and closes the door.’
Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’ pic.twitter.com/j4BntWApxW
— DungeonMaster Ewington (@AndiEwington) November 26, 2019
I see the Swedish Chef has gone into the hybrid power game. pic.twitter.com/goj4ygzX8d
— Gary Bainbridge (@Gary_Bainbridge) November 26, 2019