You helped us write the Poke election manifesto – 21 nailed-on vote winners
We’ve yet to see a manifesto from any of the main parties competing for the UK’s votes on the 12th of December, although the pile of bumf dropping through our letter boxes is covered in accusations, promises and the implied tears of Greta Thunberg. With that in mind, we asked which policies would definitely win your vote.
THE POKE ELECTION CHALLENGE
What's the one new policy that you think would be an instant and unstoppable vote winner for #GE2019 #pokelectionchallenge
We'll go with: "Bin Day always on a Monday"
— The Poke (@ThePoke) November 13, 2019
Imagine never having to wonder when bin day is again, although we’d have to convene a select committee to discuss the issue of how to tell which bin to put out. With our tweet to inspire you, you came through for us, like you always do, and these were the policies we enjoyed most.
1.
No Christmas music in public places until Dec 1st. #pokeelectionchallenge
— Chris Connelly (@TiffCRC) November 13, 2019
2.
Make it legal to let all 4 tyres down of every selfish bastard that parks their car over the space divider lines taking up two spaces
— ⚫️ Vikings Eat Spam says #SCOOT (@thatscot) November 13, 2019
3.
"No faffing about" zones in front of ticket barriers and at the top of escalators on public transport, enforced by cattle prods if necessary.
— Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) November 13, 2019
4.
Police sirens to play the Benny Hill theme #pokelectionchallenge
— Jim Roper (@gibbons_inc) November 13, 2019
5.
Not having method of payment ready at supermarket checkout to carry immediate and irrevocable 30 year jail sentence.
— Jason (@NickMotown) November 13, 2019
6.
A six month custodial sentence for anyone who pours milk onto the teabag first. https://t.co/r1gZC1zdU9
— Ian Power (@IHPower) November 13, 2019
7.
I reckon "Dresses With Pockets" gets me 50% straight away. https://t.co/m4DkIbCtTl
— Stephen (@Elephantlens) November 13, 2019
8.
Jail time for anyone who calls it an expresso
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) November 13, 2019
9.
Clotted cream is clearly superior.
If I get in to power clotted cream will be renamed simply "cream".
All other creams shall be renamed "unclotted cream".#pokelectionchallenge
— mvrander (@mvrander) November 13, 2019
10.
TV game shows to include profanities. It about time someone shouted 'Ah, fuckit!' on Tipping Point, or called one of the Chasers a prick.
— Michael Watt ™ (@EmDeeDubya69) November 13, 2019
11.
My policies are simple:
1.Make the terms "spreadable" & "easy iron" legally enforceable.
2.People who don't clean up after their dogs to have it smeared on their stupid face.#PokeElectionChallenge#GE2019 https://t.co/ROMSY1gHBS— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) November 13, 2019
