Simply 17 fantastic general election jokes as an antidote to the news
It’s four weeks to the UK general election, at the time of writing, and it still looks like a burning skip of crap from most angles.
The report into Russian interference in UK elections has yet to be released.
The Brexit Party has pulled 317 candidates – without their prior knowledge – to avoid standing in constituencies won by Tories in 2017, and may now be sued by its own former candidates.
The Liberal Democrats are still insisting their chances are excellent, based on invented data.
The Tories and the Brexit Party are pretending the border between the Irish Republic and Northern Ireland isn’t an issue.
A leaked version of Boris Johnson’s speech accused Jeremy Corbyn of being a wanker (“political onanism”). He pulled it from the finished version.
Jacob Rees-Mogg is still in hiding after offending the Grenfell victims.
With all that in mind, here are some of the jokes that have been making the endless campaigning bearable for the rest of us.
1.
There must be a website somewhere that shows you which is the best tactical voting website to use.
— Armando Iannucci (@Aiannucci) November 10, 2019
2.
Can everyone chill out. This will all be worth it for the blue passports.
— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) November 12, 2019
3.
— Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) November 12, 2019
4.
Westminster voting intention
LOL: 27%
WTF: 26%
FFS: 20%
LMAO: 18%
ROFL: 4%via @ComRes, 4-5 Nov
— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) November 7, 2019
5.
Conservatives: "If we are elected we will do all these amazing things!"
"You've been in power for 9 years why didn't you do those before?"
Conservatives: "You fuck the shut up"
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) November 10, 2019
6.
If you think Johnson’s had a bad day, wait until Rees Mogg gets to Yorkshire and explains how everyone with ‘common sense’ should ignore the emergency services.
— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) November 13, 2019
7.
Hahahahahaha..Nigel’s fucked hahahahahaha..off with Hahahahahahahahaha..their money..hahahahahahahahahahahahaha..and they’re not Hahahaha hahahahahaha…getting it back..hahahahahaha hahahahahaha!! pic.twitter.com/2x1bHkD67C
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) November 13, 2019
8.
Whenever I get something in the post wildly exaggerating how well things are going, why is it always from the Liberal Democrats and not, like, my bank
— Ahir Shah (@AhirShah) November 7, 2019
9.
There is a perfectly good reason why I have not yet released the report on Russian interference in the Referendum.
I can't read it until they have finished making a Pop-up version.— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) November 10, 2019
