25 of our favourite funny things from this week
Hear me out.
A cocktail bar. But for gravy.
— Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) November 3, 2019
– I’ll have a latte, and my wife would like a coffee with chocolate in it please?
– Ok… OY LISA, WHY DON’T YOU DRINK NORMAL, GROWN UP’S COFFEE, YOU RIDICULOUS TWAT?
— Neil (@_Enanem_) November 7, 2019
I just realized that the word "Dorito" implies the existence of a larger, adulter, possibly more delicious "Doro"
— Maya Shwayder (@MayaErgas) November 7, 2019
Time it takes for washing machine to wash my dirty laundry: 1 hour
Time it takes for tumble dryer to dry my laundry: 1 hour
Time it takes me to fold my clean laundry: 10 minutes
Time my clean laundry sits in a basket waiting to be put away: On average, about a week
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 7, 2019
My husband's on a work Skype, so every few minutes I silently cross the room behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 6, 2019
Lauren is a fucking psychopath pic.twitter.com/O7ccJzarDy
— Fran (@WhingeWine) November 6, 2019
*puts cheese on toast under grill*
*quickly checks Twitter*
*stands in street with charcoaled face, coughing, wrapped in tin-foil blanket*
— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️🌈 (@craiguito) November 7, 2019
In Star Wars they should have made all the spaceships black with white dots to camouflage them from other space ships. Missed a trick there.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) November 8, 2019
Yes, my sister is on a tropical island vacation but I just taught my dog to get me a beer, so we all know who is really living her best life, Mom.
— Just J (@junejuly12) November 6, 2019
Me: someone ate all the Cinnamon Toast Crunch
911: was it you
Me: *dialing a different 911*
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) November 3, 2019
When Santa does your toilet checks. pic.twitter.com/Wv42mnMwld
— Phil Chapman (@IAmPhilChapman) November 7, 2019
Saw my doctor today about the fake pain in my leg. Turns out I've got pretendonitis.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) November 6, 2019
Classic lizard behaviour. https://t.co/j0nA6Prj2m
— Joe (@joehullait) November 7, 2019
Source: Twitter, Image: Twitter, @john_cameron on Unsplash