17 jokes to make the general election campaigns a little more bearable
The general election campaign has only just started in earnest, although it’s actually been going on for weeks, and the wheels have already started to come off.
Three Brexit Party candidates stepped down on the first day, with one having declared that she comes from Sirius – a giant star in the constellation of Canis Major, in case you were thinking of visiting her family.
In Camp Lib Dem, several of their pieces of election literature were found to be either misleading or completely incorrect.
Things were no better for the Tories, *takes deep breath*:
Jacob Rees-Mogg caused righteous offence by implying that the victims of the Grenfell fire had no common sense
Andrew Bridgen backed him up
Someone at Tory HQ doctored a clip of Keir Starmer
James Cleverly contradicted himself defending the doctored clip and got empty chaired by Kay Burley
The Welsh Secretary had to stand down over his support for a Tory candidate who was accused of sabotaging a rape case.
And …Nadhim Zahawi suggested Jeremy Corbyn may have rich people shot.
Labour‘s deputy leader, Tom Watson, stood down but they’ve got a way to go to catch up with the Tories in the disaster stakes.
Naturally, the campaigns and campaigners have been the topic of many jokes already, including these:
It seems to me that any party that manages to get within touching distance of the ‘not completely shit’ level in their election campaign will probably win.
— Brian Cox (@ProfBrianCox) November 6, 2019
If Rees-Mogg is smart enough to escape a burning building, how come he’s still in the Conservative party?
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) November 6, 2019
I remember previous elections when stupid, racist inaccuracies came solely from some bonkers bellyaching bigot from UKIP with a wispy haircut and no belt. Not, you know, the actual government.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) November 6, 2019
A lot of people pretending not to understand the main stances of the parties. One last time:
We will revoke article 50
We will negotiate a new deal and put it to a referendum
The following victims of disasters we strongly believe to be thick
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) November 5, 2019
Anyway, I believe I’m right in saying a vote for the Lib Dems is a vote for Corbyn’s chaos and Johnson’s Hard Brexit, a vote for the Brexit Party is a vote for Labour, a vote for the Tory Party is a vote for Farage, and a vote for Labour is a vote for Stalin.
— . (@twlldun) November 6, 2019
We can see now the Tories have a clear agenda: lose the election and let someone else clear up this mess.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) November 6, 2019
There are Nigerian billionaires sending me e-mails whom I trust more than the Tories.
— Jason (@NickMotown) November 5, 2019
Just 1 day from the Tories:
▪️Release doctored video
▪️Sit on report about Russian interference
▪️Abandon promise to give MPs vote on transition extension
▪️Report reveals they built 0 houses out of 200K
▪️Rees-Mogg blames Grenfell victims
▪️Bridgen says they lacked intelligence
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) November 5, 2019
This election is like the year Leon won ‘X Factor’
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 6, 2019