Simply 25 of the funniest jokes from the last week
Halloween came and went with no Brexit, and the looming spectre of a general election – in which Donald Trump has decided to do some canvassing for Boris Johnson. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a harmless laugh at the random funny things that people have been tweeting this week, so here are 25 of the funniest.
1.
“Have you got any shampoo?”
Blokes be like: “Here’s some 7-in-one hair wash, body wash, car wax, carpet cleaner, dishwasher, toilet bleach and weed killer you can use”
— Cheish (@TheCheish) October 27, 2019
2.
Found this cool monocle shop in town today. pic.twitter.com/IxHlI8z9iX
— Craig Mac Ádaidh (@Craigadd) October 26, 2019
3.
I’d be furious too if I’d come within an hour of watching Jim Davidson. pic.twitter.com/HnOUAVG20j
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) October 26, 2019
4.
Ouija boards were invented so you could keep tweeting even after you die.
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) October 28, 2019
5.
Only four more days till "Baby, It's Cold Outside" thinkpiece season kicks off.
— Kyle Smith (@rkylesmith) October 28, 2019
6.
"So, do you have any questions?"
"Yes. Why are there unplugged ethernet cables all over the desk?"
"We mean about the job vacancy"
"Oh…then no" pic.twitter.com/Iq4RqtJMnV— Karl Minns (@karlminns) October 28, 2019
7.
Great Britain bookshop signage pic.twitter.com/fuApgZsB9f
— Orlando Gili (@orlandogili) October 28, 2019
8.
Shoutout to the couple tonight who accused me of stealing jokes from a comedian they’d seen in Stratford Upon Avon a month ago. That comedian was me. I was wearing the same shirt.
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) October 26, 2019
9.
this is where one might say “same” pic.twitter.com/AjhHwlsnvN
— Sarah Holder (@sarahsholder) October 29, 2019
10.
The science kit I got when I was eleven had scissors with rounded ends but also a tube of anthrax
— Splendid Hobo (@Hobo_Splendido) October 30, 2019
11.
It’s so important to establish a routine which is why every day at 10am I look at my phone for the whole day
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 30, 2019
12.
all you need for a winnie the pooh costume is a red tshirt and courage
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) October 31, 2019