23 Halloween jokes to get you in the right spirit
Are you ready for Halloween? The day before All Hallows’ Day has traditionally been thought of as a time when the spirit world is closer to the human realm, which is presumably why parents stock up on gin as they’re buying the cripplingly expensive Halloween costumes and sweets.
Whether you intend to get into the spirit of it or simply hide behind the sofa with your smartphone until the little monsters have given up hoping you’ll answer the door, these jokes will get you in the mood.
1.
Let’s not forget the true meaning of Halloween.
It’s to remember the time Jesus dressed up as a sexy Freddy Krueger & got fingered behind the bins at a Wetherspoons— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 31, 2019
2.
Me: friend of mine hates Halloween because of her name
Claire Voyant: yeah, it sucks. Her name is Ouija McSatanface
— Pessimus Prime – Halloween Edition (@BigJDubz) October 15, 2019
3.
Me on the 30th October [stockpiling chocolate and Haribo]
Cashier: Aww, excited for the trick-or-treaters?
Me: Who?— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) October 16, 2019
4.
This Halloween don’t forget your elderly family members. It only takes a large fake spider and an air horn, or what I like to call “The inheritance package”, to really give your finances a boost before Christmas.
— Neil Friday McGourty (@Mcgourty22N) October 15, 2019
5.
me: *hits spider web down with broom*
spider: wow
me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*
spider: WOW
— ugly & sad (@SpookyGothLoser) October 5, 2019
6.
Parent: “What scary monster are you dressing up as this Halloween – a blood sucking monster, a zombie, The Devil himself..?
Child: yes#trickortreat pic.twitter.com/o9znIuumyd
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) October 31, 2019
7.
Somewhere, a white person is planning a costume for tonight that's gonna fuck up their whole future. 😂
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) October 26, 2019
8.
Q: What's a werewolf's favorite sauce?
A: Béchamel, because it starts with a rouuuuuuuux
— Caelyn Sandel is spooky year-round (@inurashii) October 21, 2019
9.
Dressing up as a vampire for Halloween this year. Here's a selfie of my costume. pic.twitter.com/Fnd7fyy3po
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 26, 2019
10.
coworker: what're you gonna be for halloween
me: ur mom
coworker: lmao
me: thomas you never call
— elvish presley (@_elvishpresley_) October 28, 2019
11.
tough time of the year for us vegetable carving enthusiasts, it's great that you're on board and doing pumpkins right now but when I'm making my carrot army the rest of the year where are you
— joe (@mutablejoe) October 31, 2019
12.
the real halloween haunting is people replying from private accounts when you don't follow them
— Chris Boyd 🇬🇧🇵🇭 (@paperghost) October 27, 2019
