Dads prepare themselves as the Annual Battle of the Thermostat commences

As the temperature has started to drop, dads all over the UK are on red alert as family members start trying to touch the thermostat in order to turn up the temperature in the home.

“I know the weather is cooler now because I’ve had to zip the bottom part of my cargo trousers back on”, said Keith, a dad of two from Kent.

“However, the thermostat is set at a controlled temperature and does NOT need to be tampered with. If you’re cold, put on a bloody jumper.”

Another dad, Steve from Milton Keynes, needed a moment to compose himself as he recalled an incident last October when he returned home from work earlier than usual to find his house ‘hotter than the tropics’.

“It was like walking into a bloody sauna. My kids denied touching the thermostat but I knew they were lying. In a way I knew before I even walked through the door. Like Marvin Gaye nearly sang, ‘When I get this feeling, they’ve touched the central heating’. When someone else touches your thermostat, a father just knows. It’s sort of an inbuilt superpower that kicks in when you become a dad.”

Father of three, Bob from Oxford, added, “This is such a stressful time for us dads. As well as having to make sure our kids don’t leave the fridge open for too long and constantly having to shout that it’s like Blackpool Illuminations in here every time they leave a light on, we have to be on thermostat watch too. It’s exhausting.”

A dad, who wished to remain anonymous, shared an example of just how much of a toll the thermostat wrangling can take.

“I was deep in thought about how I could maybe wire up some sort of device that gave a small shock to anyone touching the thermostat, so when my son came into the kitchen and said, “Dad, I’m hungry”  I was momentarily distracted and…and…I told him to go and have some fruit instead of saying “Hi hungry, I’m dad.”

His voice cracking with emotion he continued,“I missed a dad joke. I don’t even feel like I deserve to own a ‘Best dad in the World’ mug any more. I just want thermostat battling season to be over so I can get back to focusing properly on the stuff I love, like my daughter asking me to put on her shoes and replying that I can try but I don’t think they’re going to fit me.”