25 very funny posts from the last week
13.
Tomorrow I’m going to a buffet wearing maternity pants because no one has invented Buffet Pants yet.
— Sooz (@CruisinSoozan) October 10, 2019
14.
WONKA: Congratulations Charlie! My chocolate empire is yours
CHARLIE: That’s wondrous!
WONKA: Now, first thing will be handling this PR crisis.
CHARLIE: Wait, wha-
WONKA: A lot of kids just died in your factory, Charlie. And there’s a rumor that you apparently own slaves?
— Wenzler Powers (@WenzlerPowers) October 8, 2019
15.
A guy on a scooter catcalled me outside my apartment so I just yelled back “You’re on a scooter!” Because that was the most devastating retort I could come up with
— Addison Peacock (@Addison_Peacock) October 6, 2019
16.
I find it so cute that your dad’s nickname for me is ‘iphone’ 😍 pic.twitter.com/MikmjD6NNz
— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) October 6, 2019
17.
The old woman next door offered me some of her homegrown tomatoes earlier. She’s just knocked my door and given them to me in a dog poo bag.
I convinced myself that it was ‘just a bag’ and took them.
It was only when I got to the kitchen I realised she’d given me the wrong bag.
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) October 6, 2019
18.
casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex
— incorrigible mozart goose (@_jazzghost_) October 8, 2019
19.
i quit doing comedy too but not because of PC culture or whatever but because most of us will never be as funny as this sign pic.twitter.com/jtB73jZsYF
— Brown Recluse (@ElSangito) October 4, 2019
20.
Medium: if you're there, move the glass to say something
Ouija board: s o m e t-
Wife: that’s him
— tomb slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) October 8, 2019
21.
ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home*
ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if I'll need 4 French horns or 5
— Michael Halloween Name (@Home_Halfway) October 9, 2019
22.
When you tell your girl to bring a sweater and she doesn’t and now she’s cold pic.twitter.com/VmgUUh07bb
— evil (@evilbart24) October 8, 2019
23.
No one ever talks about how an oubliette implies the existence of a larger, and far more terrifying, oobly.
— Booson Sexhaunt (Untitled Ghost Game) (@Brainmage) October 4, 2019
24.
If you ever want to see a sat nav lose its shit take it on a train
— Joe Wilkinson (@gillinghamjoe) October 10, 2019
25.
It's all kicking off in Bristol this morning pic.twitter.com/DIeyQ28Y4v
— Jess Brammar (@jessbrammar) October 11, 2019
